You GoT Me

There are instances in life when the things that excite you most and made you happy will come to an end. Nonetheless, it will leave a mark that will make you feel great and thankful that it happened. Below stories are of equally favorite emotions I've gone through.

1) I've read Every Day by David Levithan.

When I am excited to flip every pages as I follow the journey of A's life. The book I got stuck reading without pause as much as possible. Not my kind of reality story but had me feel with such amazement. Surely one of my favorite books written. Stories so beautiful that we anticipated the happy ending and when we reached the last page, we ask why'd it have to end. It was bitin. You will left with questions what could've happened next. 

From goodreads.com

Every day a different body. Every day a different life. Every day in love with the same girl.There’s never any warning about where it will be or who it will be. A has made peace with that, even established guidelines by which to live: Never get too attached. Avoid being noticed. Do not interfere.

It’s all fine until the morning that A wakes up in the body of Justin and meets Justin’s girlfriend, Rhiannon. From that moment, the rules by which A has been living no longer apply. Because finally A has found someone he wants to be with—day in, day out, day after day.

2) I started watching How I Met You Mother. 

Thanks to Yael for talking about HIMYM. It became my most loved American tv series since then. I spent most nights watching non stop until I reach the current episode. My favorite laughter moments happened during HIMYM season marathon. I was eager to know who mother was and I don't like how it ended. Nyaha. Aaaaaaw I miss Ted, Robin, Barney, Lily, and Marshall.

From http://www.tv.com/shows/how-i-met-your-mother/

How I Met Your Mother is a comedy about Ted (Josh Radnor) and how he fell in love. It all starts when Ted's best friend, Marshall (Jason Segel), drops the bombshell that he's going to propose to his long-time girlfriend, Lily (Alyson Hannigan), a kindergarten teacher. At that moment, Ted realizes that he had better get a move on if he too hopes to find true love. Helping him in his quest is Barney (Neil Patrick Harris), a friend with endless, sometimes outrageous opinions, a penchant for suits and a foolproof way to meet women. When Ted meets Robin (Cobie Smulders), he's sure it's love at first sight, but destiny may have something else in store. The series is narrated through flashbacks from the future, voiced by Bob Saget. The theme song is "Hey Beautiful" by The Solids.

3) Red Tour Manila.

I am a huge Taylor Swift fan. Upon every release of each single for her albums, I had to download and memorize every song the soonest possible. Red and 1989 album has stayed in my playlist for length of days. I was torn to shuffling all the songs or playing a favorite song on repeat. I am the happiest when Red Tour Asia was announced. The awaiting for the concert has been the longest days of my fan girl life. I missed the Speak Now Manila leg and I waited three years before I experience the best TSwizzle feels. 6th of June 2014 will never be forgotten. The one night concert that has to end but left me with surreal memory.

4) Three good months of communication with my favorite stranger for the first half of 2015.

My favorite stranger, my favorite three months. The joy of sharing thoughts (mostly rants) to someone new to my life. I am glad to meet this guy who able to listen to me, I've got to know, and I enjoy talking to about anything under the sun. Some good things must come to an end though. And so are we. Nyaha. Back to basics na teh Jez.

And then

I tried things I haven't done

I go to places I've never been to

I hang out with my friends as often as possible

I changed my hair style

I rekindle friendship with my favorite teenager

I stop stalking

I satisfied my strawberry and blueberry cravings

I write 

I read new books 

I enrolled in an Art Class

I tried calligraphy 

I update my happy playlist

I did shopping therapy 

I sleep longerrrrrrr!

All of the above I've done to overcome sadness but the best cure is when I decided to watch GAME OF THRONES!!!

So yah.

5) Game of Thrones addiction.

Most of my closest friends know I don't like watching fantasy, action, out of this world stories. But everything has changed when I started watching GoT. Few days ago, my timeline from different social media accounts has been flooded with Game of Thrones post. The death of Jon Snow got me curious so I decided to join the bandwagon. Since I watched season 1 episode 1, I never stop then. The feels I had when reading Every Day, watching HIMYM, waiting for Red Tour Manila, chatting with my favorite stranger is same with the excitement I feel every time I am watching GoT. Aaaaaaah basta this show is full of awesomeness. The setting, the plot, the story phasing, the characters, the uggggh just everything is superb!!! So excuse me while I continue watching. Hihi. I have to know what happened to Jon Snow. I hope it won't make me feel sad to wait for the next season set to show by next year pa. On a brighter side, no ending yet for the story. Aaaaah!!! I am too happy.

From imdb.com

Nine noble families fight for control of the mythical land of Westeros. Political and sexual intrigue is pervasive. Robert Baratheon, King of Westeros, asks his old friend Eddard, Lord Stark, to serve as Hand of the King, or highest official. Secretly warned that the previous Hand was assassinated, Eddard accepts in order to investigate further. Meanwhile the Queen's family, the Lannisters, may be hatching a plot to take power. Across the sea, the last members of the previous and deposed ruling family, the Targaryens, are also scheming to regain the throne. The friction between the houses Stark, Lannister, Baratheon and Targaryen and with the remaining great houses Greyjoy, Tully, Arryn, Tyrell and Martell leads to full-scale war. All while a very ancient evil awakens in the farthest north. Amidst the war and political confusion, a neglected military order of misfits, the Night's Watch, is all that stands between the realms of men and icy horrors beyond. 

- Tfilm78 and Cajunman

Lone Nights

Today's Confession: I have a dress left untouched in my closet as I am supposed to wear it on our meet up which unfortunately did not happen.

I am all set to move on, excited to experience the world without you, ready to face the next days unconnected to you, be happy with the life I won't be able to share to you. 

But I am afraid to back read my blog because it still hurts. I am waiting for the day that I will laugh about it and have a face palm on my craziness. I accepted that never will you try to get in touch with me and I understood that you don't want me as your friend. We go back to being strangers. Okay na ko e, tanggap ko nang you won't be back pero bakit ang sakit pa din. Feeling ko dapat I am in pain lang kapag umaasa pa ko na you will love me back. E hindi ko na nga hinahangad yun. Tengene nemen o! 

Dati my prayer was "thank you God for letting me have you in my life." Ngayon, I sincerely pray that "Lord please heal the pain in my heart."

Waaaaaaah! Sabaw nights.

Immature Pt.2

I stalk a lot

Like I cling too much.

I fall in love fast

If I feel that you're a catch

Had I known it was crazy

I should've take it slowly

The 17 year old must've been right

When he told me I wasn't mature enough.

Aaaaaaah. The things I write when I'm alone. Haha. Do not leave me unattended.

I don't like romantic relationship. What I want is a significant someone to talk to, to share my thoughts, to listen to my rants, to ask and tell how our days went. A best friend maybe. Ayoko ng label. Complicated yung bfgf relationship. I had to share secrets, then kailangan gumastos sa date, tapos ipapakilala pa sa pamilya. Hindi pa ako ready. Constant kausap lang yung kailangan ko for the meantime. Let me become mature first. Yay! Lezdothis Jessa Maye!!!

Vow Goals

Paul Soriano's wedding vow is every thing but good feels. Someone like him please?

From push.abs-cbn.com, I had to repost to remind me that there's a love that we totally deserve.

“When I saw you come down that aisle, I saw everything, my future, the mother of my children, the beautiful mother of my children in the future. That was the rest of life right there, my partner for life, my miracle, you’re my number 1 priority right now. After that, just like in the movies, happily ever after is right in front of me right now and it feels great. Because sometime you just watch that on television and in cinema, but to have that in real life, it’s overwhelming. It’s just something God can direct. And I will never stop thanking him for not just blessing me with physically beautiful but inside so generous and so giving, who love so many people and to feel that also is overwhelming,” Paul began his vows.  

The director also called Toni his ‘Super 8’ as she has given him eight years filled with love. 

“Eight years was super challenging, stepping into your business, are something new to me even though my grandfather and dad are in it, but to be in the spotlight, there’s no stopping. There were people who wanted to harm us but Jeremiah says, no one will harm us so that’s what He did. It’s not about material things, about what you have, what you got, it’s the love that I feel makes me so rich, makes me so alive. So thank you for giving that to me. And God has blessed me with you and I know, and see, and feel and hope and know the future is going to be great. And I’ll be holding your hand now as we start the next eight years forever. You know, I love to film and as we speak I am producing and directing right now. I got my Super 8 guys. The reason why I chose to shoot on Super 8 today is because we’re shooting super 8 years of love. So you’re my Super 8.” 

Paul even shouted his love for Toni in public, getting cheers and laughter from the crowd.  

“I don’t really want to stand here and promise you anything. I’ve always lived, we were always the type of couple that showed it rather than said it. I don’t want to say things now and you’re gonna show me the video down the line and use it as a defense so instead of promising you and saying all these things, I always know that God’s word is alive and what I’m going to say is God won’t leave us, God won’t forsake us. That no weapon formed against us shall ever prosper. 

“Every one, in the last 8 years we have been together, always said we are perfect together. The only reason we are perfect together is we have a perfect God in our center. Let’s make sure the perfect God is in the center of all these, at all times. I don’t say this in public and you know that. I only do this when we are private but I love you Celestine! That is from the heart. I’m having fun here and I can talk all day but the best has just begun. And like the first time I met you, you said ‘God bless you.’ I’m her today to say now, thank you God for blessing me with her. I love you so much. I’m all yours. I’m going to protect you, and I’m going to do my best to give you that love that your parents gave you. Let’s do this. Are you good? I’m done. I love you.”

When it was Toni’s turn to speak, many could not hold back their tears because of her touching message to Paul. 

“Paul as I look back I couldn’t help but wonder why you didn’t left. Our relationship was never easy. And every time I would ask you why are you choosing to stay with me, you would simply answer, ‘because I love you.’ For 8 years you have fought for your position in my life, and there are times that I would see you get tired, but there was never a time you gave up. I know I have not been the best girlfriend for you but from this day forward I promise to become the best wife you will ever need.” 

The TV host-actress however made everyone chuckle when she mentioned they ‘can now do whatever we want’ as Toni’s parents are notorious for being strict. 

“From now on, apart from God, you are my number one priority. From now on your happiness is my happiness. What makes you sad, will make me more sad. And what hurts you will hurt me the most. It has been a long journey my love, and now we are finally getting married. And it is a great love story because God wrote ours. It was exactly 8 years ago from today when I said yes to become your girlfriend. And even then I knew you will be the same man I’ll say yes to become my husband. Happy anniversary my love, and I am so excited to finally experience my life with you. We can now do whatever we want. And there’s no need to drop me home because now, you are my home. For the first time we don’t have to text each other ‘later, good night.’ We can finally say it face to face right next to each other. I love you Paul and thank you for giving me your last name. I will love you forever with all my heart.” 

#PaulTinWedding

Hay.

1. I was watching Showtime last holiday when I saw the resemblance of my hair style with Coleen's. Then I hated my hair. Haha. Earlier today, my PM told me that it looks good on me, parang Jessy Mendiola. Then I am back to liking my curly curls. Nyahaha.

2. Many have asked me "bakit parang pumapayat ka?" and I answered "wala na akong makain." Nyaha. Seriously, aside from stairs walking, site inspection, occasional running, the main reason why I lost weight is because I often eat full meals. My real meal usually happened at lunch time only. I go to work early so decent breakfast cannot be done at home neither in the office because I'm no  fan of fast food. Then at night time, during the chat season with A, I had no appetite because of kilig. Haha. Totoo pala yung "di makatulog,di makakain" pagka in love. Hihi. Face palm.

3. Ang tagal ko naghintay ng birthday mo tas hindi mo man lang pinansin yung birthday prank ko. Sungit. Di na kita iniistalk, wag ka na matakot. Haha. Sige na peace na please. 

4. #PaulTinWedding feels. ❤️❤️❤️ Ain't settling for less because Direk Paul exists. Lord hingi po katulad nya. Hihi

Relate Post

Had I read this earlier, I could've save us! Why do these articles felt like it was written for me. So much feels. Huhubels.

From Candy Mag. 

   5 THINGS THAT WILL END A RELATIONSHIP EVEN BEFORE IT BEGINS

by Arianne Tolentino, Candymag.com Correspondent 

Girls usually have a mental checklist of what they look for in a guy to start a relationship with. "He must be this, he must have that, he must like this too..." Crazy. But in the beginning stages, some things girls usually do things that could be a definite deal breaker for most guys. And here are the top five: 

1. Getting caught Facebook stalking him.For some (including me!), stalking is good, as long as you do not accidentally like his photo posted 2 years ago! Some guys may just laugh it off, but some won't. He might think you're crazy about him (which you really are) and end the “almost”relationship immediately.
2. Texting and calling all the time.Communication is the key to every relationship, but do not go overboard! When he said he will call, don't start asking him when if he doesn't. Who would want to see his phone bombarded with 20 missed calls and 31 text messages, eh? Calm down, sister!
3. Having the "relationship talk."Keep in mind that you are “almost” there, but really not. Enjoy the moment and don't rush it. It is too soon to talk about his plans for the two of you, what he would like to name your children, and even at what age will the two of you get married! Honestly, you are going to freak the guy out. Take it easy! YOU. WILL. GET. THERE.
4. Over analyzing.“He gave me three roses on our first date; does that mean he loves me already?”Stop right there. Yes we all know what that quantity stands for and what you are thinking isn't what he means yet. Get your act together and trust us, he is just trying to be sweet. You'll know when he does, and he'll be the one to tell you—not three pieces of flora.
5. Falling in love too soon.Those three roses didn't mean he loves you (yet), so do not say "I love you" too soon. It is totally fine to fall in love, but do not say things unless you are certain about what you really feel. Do not rush things. Learn to enjoy the moment until he says "I think I'm falling in love with you." Good luck, Candy Girls!

Blame it on Mercury

I have heard about the Mercury retrograde but never I understand or get interested about it. I actually thought it was a chemical something or science related whatever. Until my friend mentioned about it and how it affects one's life. It is timely that today, June 11 is the end of the said Mercury retrograde. Here's a brief description from galadarling.com:

"If you have no idea what I’m talking about, here we go. The planets are swinging around at all times, and their movements affect us all in different ways. All planets go retrograde, but Mercury’s journey seems to impact people much more than any other. (Even people who “don’t believe in astrology” often “believe” in the crazy aftershocks of Mercury retrograde!)

Why is that? It’s because Mercury rules communication, clear thinking, truth and travel, so when the planet goes retrograde — which means that it looks like it’s going backwards in the sky — all those things go backwards. They start to get ugly and tangle up. Mercury isn’t really going backwards, it’s just hanging out by the sun, but from Earth, that makes it look like it’s in reverse. It typically runs for a couple of weeks, a few times a year."

The retrograde happened last May 18 in which my thoughts were on a whirlwind. I am never a believer of astrology but the explanation regarding the effects of the planet movement has got to do with the feels I had from the past days. 

I came upon an article from Thought Catalog that made me really blame it on Mercury. Deymn. I shouldn't be reading write ups from Thought Catalog, feeling ko lahat ng drama posts nila, nakakarelate ako. Feeling ko dapat magapply nalang ako na writer dun. Nyaha. 

17 Signs This Mercury Retrograde Is Really F*cking With You by Jamie Varon

1. You have found yourself in the deepest and darkest of funks. Just, what’s the point anymore? When does it end? Why are we here?

EXACTLY!!! The feeling of why is this happening to me.

2. You are actually having an existential crisis right now. It’s in progress. You are questioning your entire existence. Nothing is okay!

I'm not afraid of death, come on let's die.

3. Anything that could go wrong or wayward is doing so. You spilled coffee on your favorite shirt. You burned your tongue. You fell randomly in the middle of the sidewalk while wearing flat shoes. Pretty much all activities you could do normally are completely fucking with you right now.

I'm a mess.

4. You may have felt the desire to wear all black to match your mood. Black on black on black is the go-to during this moody emo time we’re all going through.

Wearing dark colors on a summer day. Because uniform namin is black every Thursday. Hihi. Not much that I can relate naman.

5. Do you feel like you have no control over your emotions? Have you turned into the most sensitive version of yourself? Has someone looked at you strangely and you overanalyzed it and were suddenly convinced they hated you? Yep, retrograde.

SENSITIVE it is.

6. Do you just, in general, feel not like yourself? Have you stood in front of a mirror lately and asked yourself, “Who am I?” Don’t worry, it’ll pass as soon as Mercury gets its shit together.

Ahm with this,hindi naman. Feeling ko cute pa din ako. Haha chos.

7. You are spinning inside the perpetual cycle of self-doubt. Your thoughts are just a jumble of nonsense like: Nothing you do is good enough! You will never amount to anything! Quit everything now!

Nothing you do is good enough in LOVE. Huhu

8. You’re being the biggest asshole to yourself and you don’t know why. It’s like your normal internal self has been replaced with a berating hybrid of Ann Coulter and Donald Trump and you are NOT OKAY ABOUT THIS. Take deep breaths. Those little demons will pass once Mercury straightens out.

Biggest asshole to myself. Yup I am. Fudge that!!!

9. Your communication skills are so off-point it’s almost like they’ve come back around full circle to on-point. (But not really, because you can’t quite get on the same page with anyone right now.)

I talk non sense. Sometimes weird. Usually crazy.

10. You should probably just take a break from anyone you’re dating because retrograde is causing you both to turn into monsters that subsist off each other’s tears.

I was the monster. Sorry.

11. He/she not texting you back? All Mercury’s fault. Everyone is in their own world of despair right now. We’re all hurting. Nobody is reaching out. It’s bleak. 

So yah.

12. DO NOT MAKE ANY BIG DECISIONS RIGHT NOW. This will be the exact time that you want to quit everything, move, break-up, get married, make monumentally large decisions that you will regret the day Mercury stops going retrograde. (Ladies: do not get bangs. I repeat, DO NOT GET BANGS. PUT DOWN THE SCISSORS UNTIL OCTOBER 25.)

Don't tell him you've fallen in love with him. Oh I just did. Had I known this earlier. Fudge again. FML SMH KMN.

13. If you need to get a good cry going, do so. GET IT OUT. Your emotions are raw right now. It’s okay. You’re okay. We’re all okay. (I think? I hope? I don’t know, I’m in this retrograde, too.)

Inabsent ko pa yang crying session na yan. Lech naman o.

14. You may feel the desire to overindulge on basically everything. Maybe don’t do that? Just think about how you feel on a normal retrograde day. Now add a hangover on top of that. NOT WORTH IT.

I don't know what to say. Hihi

15. A lot of old beliefs and feelings are coming up right now. If you’re stuck retracing the same old tired beliefs and past frustrations, chill out and don’t let it get to you too much. Retrograde by nature means a backtrack, so it’s only natural that you’re falling into a deep pit of shit you thought you’d already trudged through. The light is near, my friend!

Forget the past Jez. Move on. You're getting there. Move on!!!

16. If you are finding yourself questioning every decision you’ve ever made in your life and falling into a tailspin over it, yep, this retrograde has got you in its claws. You are not going to get the answers right now. Just give up and go get a cookie. 

The decision of confessing my love to you. 

17. The best thing about retrograde is that when it rights its path, there is an insurgence of creativity and inspiration. So, while you’re wallowing inside the dark pit of your misery right now, just remember that the light in the future is bright. (But seriously, for now, just get the cookie and get a good cry going. That’s about as productive as you’re going to get right now.) GOOD LUCK.

The future is bright. Shining bright. Lezdothis Jez!!!

Illest

There was A,once in my life.

Who reminded me...

of wechat

of Denmark

of South locations from Cavite to Las Piñas to Alabang to Taguig

of Army Navy, Project Pie, and Zarks

of basketball, swimming, and work outs

of edm and college parties

of beer pong and play station

of Nike shoes and socks hoarding 

of genuine smile and pogi face 

of awkward messages

of photo above (which I happened to saw today and so I remember him).

Rx

Rx: A medical prescription. The symbol "Rx" is usually said to stand for the Latin word "recipe" meaning "to take." It is customarily part of the superscription (heading) of a prescription.

"Because they’re just a bandaid. And what you’re looking for is so much more than that." -Quindlen

"Band-aids don't fix bullet holes." -Swift

Take me to Church

There is this family who I am seeing every 6:30pm Sunday mass consecutively. The father, the mother, the little boy bunso, and the cute kuya. Haha. Alam na. Tonight, I realized I wanted to date a guy who goes to church. Good values will always matter. I will be please to introduce to my parents a God fearing man. So kuya, magpansinan na tayo kapag 'peace be with you'. My dilemma though is you look younger than me and you are conyo. Reminded me of A again. Huhubels.

Curled Up

"Magpagupit ka. 'Yung hairstyle na dati mo pa gustong i-try pero never mo pang ginawa. Now is the time." - Tita Witty

And I did. I am proud of myself. Hihi. I cross out another bucketlist, yey! I've been wanting the beach wave hairstyle inspired by Taylor Swift, Vanessa Hudgens, and Sofia Andres. I am postponing to try it because I became comfortable with my rebonded buhaghag hair. It was yesterday when I don't know what to do on a usual weekend hang out that I decided to visit the salon. I thought of watching Insidious 3 alone, have a massage, and go shopping. I ended up sitting in the salon chair with curlers on my hair at Tony and Jackey in The District mall. The staffs were friendly, I did not wait long before being assisted by the stylist, they have the latest magazines for reading, the duration of hair treatment didn't take long, and it was of reasonable price. I am a satisfied customer. More than that, I am happy with my decision to try something new.

I've been thinking what to post about this digital perm transformation. I like to sport Tswizzle or I wanted to join the curly curly bandwagon, or this is a part of moving on. Chos yung last reason. Actually, nakakatamad lang magsuklay talaga. A basta I am feeling great. Feeling matured person. Feeling-era. Nyaha. Kulot feels.

Chapter New

For she was lost
You came across

For she was scared

You keep her safe.

Genuine laughter that has gone faded
Returned sooner than she expected.

You could've been all she wanted

If her heart hasn't gone astrayed.

She perfected the shameful game of love

Until she decided to just play around.

You could've been the perfect man

But you've been being the rebound.

You happened to her too fast

When she wasn't yet ready to trust

Haunted by mistakes of the past

She was afraid of another love that won't last.

She bravely chose to be alone and free

Live life with less drama and anxiety.

If you and her are meant to be

Love will find its way to the happy destiny.

Ain't happening now dear. I'm sorry.

Care Feels

http://thoughtcatalog.com/heidi-priebe/2015/04/just-be-the-one-who-cares-more/

Just be the freaking person who cares more. Be the person who tries harder, loves stronger, gives more of a shit than all of the half-alive people who surround them. Be the person who answers their messages, shows up to their commitments and doesn’t leave others hanging or guessing at their eternally vague intentions. Be the person you wish you were dating. If you’re sick of the game then stop playing it. If you’re tired of the bullshit, then cut it.

Because the last thing this world needs is one more indifferent person. If you’re the only one left with passion, then use it. Use the hell out of it. At the end of your life, go out with a bruised-up, worn out heart that gave too much and loved too strongly and felt too fiercely. Go out with the certainty that you gave it everything you had and didn’t hold anything back. Go out empty-handed when it comes to should-haves and might-have-beens. Because it’s an infinitely more fulfilling way to live than the alternative. It will always be more honourable to be out in the field getting trampled on than to be on the sidelines feeling superior for never having tried.