I almost lost you honey 
On days you never chose me
Sometimes it saddens me
Because she made you happy

You may have not left me
Yet most of the time, it still haunts me
That someday you wanna be free
Because others can be more lovely

For more than a year, we had plenty great adventure and memories. We have our happy moments, loud laughs, sweet victories, and glory days. But just like ordinary couple, we also have our share of bad days from petty arguments, misunderstandings, and major fight. Well most of it was because of the trust issue coming from my previous love mishaps and his wide and eventful dating history. I am confident that I am the good one in our relationship eventhough I’m demanding, skeptical, and moody. I cannot remember any fight that was started by him. Pero basta ako pa din yung mabait. Haha. He is good din naman but everytime that I get mad at him, I have doubts if he’s good enough ba (pm me for details kung bakit ko sya inaaway 😜). I cannot say that we completely know each other already. Surely, we still have our own secrets, unshared life tales, and personal ideals. But yesterday was a meaningful episode in our story. I met his mom. And I have the greatest admiration to him after that day. It felt like we came back to “getting to know each other” phase. Yet this time, it was from his mom’s perspective. By the end of the day, our relationship that compose of 98% of mabait me and 2% of mabait him became 50% is to 50%. He certainly achieved the good enough remark. He’s actually more than good, he’s a great guy. I fully understand his “pinakapogi, pinakamalakas, pinakamagaling” claims. I always respond why are you mayabang when he says that. I realized the deeper meaning of that during my conversation with his mom. My boyfriend is determined, passionate, and goal oriented. His life experience has shape him to be driven and hardworking. I adore how ambitious he is, the good kind of ambitious. I couldn’t be more prouder because I am witnessing his step by step success. He actually inspires me to be at my best as well in my career. I also found out that he has this selfless side. He cares about his family. At a young age, he became a responsible brother by prioritising the welfare of his siblings. His mom would have not survive parenthood if he became a selfish son. This guy may be hot tempered and argumentative sometimes (minsan kasi reasonable naman sya. hmmm. oo na madalas na valid talaga argument nya. HAHA) but surely he has a kind heart. I also observed how he treat his mom. This person was not really the sweet type not even to me haha. But his concerned gesture and thoughtful ways for his mom is surely admirable. I still have a lot to share but I’m still savouring the moment in my head. My heart is full and I am nothing but thankful. I honestly wanted him to introduce me to his mom during our early days. Pero sabi nga ni jowa, may readiness kasi yun. And yesterday was just exactly the right time. I appreciate this, babe. Thank you! ❤️

08.25

on some days, i wonder honey
if you feel lucky to have me
or am i just a responsibility.

it worries me
it makes me weary
you tend to forget me when you’re happy

one.

you are my state of grace

thank you for all the merry days

when life feels crap

thank you for inserting a good laugh

you take away my sadness

thank you for keeping up with my drama and cry fest

always there when I’m weary

thank you for taking care of me

your confidence I adore

thank you for inspiring me to dream more

you bring me calmness and peace

thank you for making everything at ease

my bully, my buddy, my best friend, my babe

thankful for you for 365 days

hoping for more memories and new adventures with you 💖

on a random morning, some guy who was feeling lazy getting up asked me "why do we need to wake up?"

me being so extra, replied:

we wake up to feel the wind, to see the light upon the dim

to hear music and sing along to its beat

and dance away with our two left feet.

we wake up to be silly, crazy, and weird

when life is but significant or stupid.

we wake up to love, let go, and love once more

to find things to laugh about in this cruel world.

we wake up to pursue our passion, to chase our dreams

to try to seize the day until we have to sleep again.

xo. HAHAH

for dean

You are the good to my morning

My sunrise, my daylight 

You are my season of spring

Blooming, blossoming 

I love our conversations 

I enjoyed your attention 

Cupid says we are okay

A good 88 percent match rate

Daydreaming by the beach
Be carefree, silly, and weird

Happy tales and wonder days
Make memories to keep

My time is yours, I am now free

We can runaway finally 

But you are nowhere to find honey

The day I’m ready, that’s when you left me

I thought you are a knight

But I lost you when the sky lost it’s light

Dark and silent like a thief in the night

This is the end, I won’t meet you in sunlight

she records memory

through diary and poetry

when feeling merry or weary 

when life is happy or sappy

of romantic starts

under morning skies, midnight stars

of sad remarks 

in the pouring rain, silent night

some shit happens

hassle pains, hard mistakes 

heartaches consume her

she stopped noting sad phrase

met a guy on carefree day

mesmerize with his pretty face

attracted with his ways

she got inspired to write again

of beautiful days

sunrise and sunset she chases

solitude and solace

i got inspired to write again

maybe she was desperate 

even so, still she’s delicate

the beginning meets the ending

on the twenty fifth evening

she was desolate

she caught another heartbreak 

my sea

for my best bud who got wed recently. i'll miss you.

you are a sea to me 

in you, i find serenity 

i run to you when things aren't easy 

until reality hits me

the sails got unsteady

you became waves that crash me

i had to go back to the city

i had to let my feelings free

accept that you and me aren't meant to be

Beginning

I remember it was Monday

In a place where I wasn't supposed to stay

I've been waiting since 9 am

You arrived 2 hours after

We went straight to business 

Checking walls and ceilings

Doors and windows punchlisting 

Eight units and nine slots of parking

Signing papers

Discussing pointers

Random teasing, we were laughing

Is this the beginning?

Will this turnover 

Be the turning point I'm after

Will this get farther

Or end up nowhere

We shake hands, bid goodbye 

Said thanks, take care

We part ways, I wonder

Will we ever meet again

Then came Wednesday 

I wore a black dress and sneakers

Hopeful to see you

Wanting to impress you

You smile when you saw me

My heart skip a beat

Random teasing, we were laughing

I can feel the beginning

Will this turnover 

Be the turning point I'm after

Will this get farther

Will this get to forever 

Your chill looks

Your interesting tattoos

Your nice cap and vans shoes

Yup, I'm attracted to you

I wanted to reach you

I can't stop thinking of you

Will you be my beginning

Be with me farther, forever

x

B.

"Happy New Year, Miggy! Thank you for saving me on the last weeks of 2016. Hihi."

That was the message I sent to my current favorite person last New Year's Eve.

So yup. I wouldn't have survive 2016 if weren't for Miggy. We cross paths online on mid November. The time when I am confuse, furious, and broken. I was physically, emotionally, and mentally tired back then. I seriously wouldn't end up sane last year, had I not know him.

I was exhausted for some reasons. I feel all alone until he came unexpectedly to rescue me. I recently shifted career, I had to catch up with the fast pace demands of the job, I had to adapt with the new work environment, I need to adjust dealing with new colleagues. I had separation anxiety from friends. I had pending personal errands and some family problem. My health has not been cooperating well, I am tired and physically drained everyday. Another thing is some guy broke my heart when I realized that our relationship won't work. I wasn't his priority, he isn't ready to commit on a serious relationship yet. I also sense that he is in love with another girl. I ended up in the friend zone.

I was pre occupied. I needed someone to talk to. I needed someone to confide to. I needed escape from all the exhaustion. I wasn't looking for love at all or some rebound guy. I just needed someone who will listen to me. I just needed to refresh my mind. I just needed some break from all the worrying. I just needed a good conversation.

Then there was Miggy. His presence has been a relief to me. He got an impressive sense of humor, he is fun to talk to, he is very sweet and caring, and gwapo hihi. He knew how to make me feel at ease, he became my happy pill. I'm still coping up with most of the life issues yet he managed to be at the other side of scale to help me keep the balance.

We started to get to know each other. We update how our day went. We exchange jokes and laughter. We tackle random serious thoughts. We comfort one another. We share stories. We had sweet notes and gestures for each other. We had a connection, we jive, we are happy. The routine goes on for weeks.

Come 2nd day of January, he is suddenly ignoring me. I don't know if this is a PMS thing, or mercury retrograde, or I was just bored, or it's my pure weirdo-clingy-attention seeker self. It felt uneasy. I don't even have the right to demand for his time.  But since day one, I felt that I wanted to care for him. It wasn't love at first chat if there is such thing. I assume I am not romantically in love yet because it is too early to conclude. We haven't met yet. The only thing I am certain is he is important to me. It was supposed to be a friendly casual relation until I felt being attached and he mattered to me already. We still talk but I knew that there is something wrong. Something has changed. Lately, I can feel that he wasn't interested about me. There are messages left unanswered. He doesn't send updates unlike before. We haven't talk joyfully. Sweetness got less. I can feel like he is gradually walking away from me. He might not really like me at all.

I am close to giving up. I am about to decide to stop what we have started. It was a misery to me. The 4 days cold treatment from him became equal to the anxiety I had before I know him. Who would save me now? I feel bad. I feel sad. I miss you, Miggy.

I hope he really is just busy.

Because Atty.

Dahil sa kagulangan mo, baka di ka makapasa ng bar. -Atty.to the client who filed a case against us and apparently won

Burn!!! Haha. Bawi na! That's my favorite lawyer. ❤️ Iba e.

How to GvUp

Sometimes, giving up can be a right decision. 

Wru?

I wonder where were you since 8:40pm yesterday. :(

Favorites ♥

Talked to my favorite lawyer over the phone without endorsement from my previous boss. Gawd I'm independent. Mehehe.

My favorite client in Pacific called in unexpectedly. Hihi. Okay, to follow up his plan approval. Nyaha.

My favorite client in Grenville emailed me unexpectedly. ♥♥♥
Fudge, I'm excited to see him again!!!

Hi Jessa,

How are you doing?

Long Live

Inspiration for the new lay out. ❤️

I said remember this moment in the back of my mind

The time we stood with our shaking hands

The crowds in stands went wild

We were the Kings and the Queens

And they read off our names

The night you danced like you knew our lives

Would never be the same

You held your head like a hero

On a history book page

It was the end of a decade

But the start of an age

Long live the walls we crashed through

How the kingdom lights shined just for me and you

I was screaming long live all the magic we made

And bring on all the pretenders

One day, we will be remembered

I said remember this feeling

I pass the pictures around

Of all the years that we stood there

On the side-lines wishing for right now

We are the Kings and the Queens

You traded your baseball cap for a crown

When they gave us our trophies

And we held them up for our town

And the cynics were outraged

Screaming, "This is absurd!"

Cause for a moment a band of thieves

In ripped up jeans got to rule the world

Long live the walls we crashed through

How the kingdom lights shined just for me and you

I was screaming long live all the magic we made

And bring on all the pretenders

I'm not afraid

Long live all the mountains we moved

I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you

I was screaming long live that look on your face

And bring on all the pretenders

One day, we will be remembered

Hold on to spinning around

Confetti falls to the ground

May these memories break our fall

Will you take a moment, promise me this

That you'll stand by me forever

But if God forbid fate should step in

And force us into a goodbye

If you have children some day

When they point to the pictures

Please tell them my name

Tell them how the crowds went wild

Tell them how I hope they shine

Long live the walls we crashed through

I had the time of my life, with you

Long, long live the walls we crashed through

How the kingdom lights shined just for me and you

And I was screaming long live all the magic we made

And bring on all the pretenders

I'm not afraid

Singing, long live all the mountains we moved

I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you

And long, long live the look on your face

And bring on all the pretenders

One day, we will be remembered

Taylor Swift

Mixed Up Feelings

On CCD

It was almost five years of love hate relationship with CCD. Technically the only job I've ever had, being in CCD has contribute a lot to my being. After passing the November 2010 CE board exam, I've tried applying to different companies with job ranging from building manager, project engineer, and structural design. Only Vista falls in my charm. Char. I was hired as Customer Care Engineer. Honestly, it was not a job description you can boast out when you are an engineer. Yet I can attest that spending 5 years with that department is something to brag about. Just a quick background about the post, we basically do after sales service. Upon house completion, we do quality inspection to ensure that the house/unit will be delivered in good condition. On technical term, we do punchlisting. Swak na swak ang pagkaperfectionist ko. We have a keen eye for house details- cleanliness, completeness, defects, plumbness, uneven paint application just to name a few. Besides that, we have to transact with clients personally as we have to accommodate them in their unit turnover/move in. It was a sweet bitter happy experience. We may encounter random maaarte, echoserong clients but our transactions with them are of good experience because more often than not the clients are satisfied with our product delivery. Though hindi ka makakaligtas sa irate clients, at the end of the day, it will be fulfilling pag nanalo ka sa kanya. Chos! Fulfilling kasi kapag naresolve mo ang concern nya. The goal is of course to always end well. Pero di mo sya papansinin sa site o kaya paplastikin mo lang o ibabash mo sa mga friends mo o magtatago ka sa kanya. Char! O kaya kakailanganin mo magconsult sa gwapo nyong lawyer kahit kaya mo naman talaga iresolve. Haha. Magtatagalog na ko ha. So after turnover, papunta ka na sa pinakamadugong part ng process. Complaints handling because customer is always right. Masaya kapag narerespond mo agad yung client. Pero di mo maiiwasan na may pasaway kang contractor na hindi ka sinusunod, may client ka na hindi maintindihan ang warranty, at may mga sarili ka ding palpak na namiss mo during inspection. Madami pang scenario at masakit sa puso kapag inaaway ka. Tigatanggap kami ng reklamo. Naimmune na ko. Feeling ko sobrang bait ko na. O manhid? Nyaha. Ang dami ko pang gusto ishare pero mas maganda kung pagkwentuhan nalang natin. Ichichika ko nalang sayo kasi nakakatamad mag type. Hoho. To conclude, I am very thankful and proud to be part of CCD. I have learned the technical aspects and practice my profession in a real estate industry but more than that, I have learned to communicate with people and value relationship with clients. So ayun, eto, ako na pinakamatagal sa CCD sa division namin.

On CCD Friends

I encountered different group set for the last five years. Of course I was the bunso when I started. It was a small group consisting of department head, supervisor, and three staffs with 6 mos.employment gap. There was also a time when the group was of my age range and mostly boys. When those boys left the company, we came to a point that we are only 2 staff, the other one assigned in north while I was assigned in south area. Eventually, they hired our partners, we then had north tandem and south tandem. After a few months, the newbies have adapt the technical scope of works when 1/2 of north left. We were three then became 4, then 3 again then 4 then 3 until the final fourth employee stayed longer. Haha. I eventually became the group ate. We had a strong force, naks! All senior people in a department. Sobrang intact, may paninindigan, di mabubully. Hindi ba? Nyaha. Well for a time we experience that until such time na bumalik na si Mam. Thus the birth of MRB pabebe girls. Last month though has been very tough for us because our two girls were transferred to hrb group. Last month, our boss joined them. Huhubels.

On MRB (pabebe) girls

Jaymee, Mae Anne, Cris has been my happy pill for the past years. We've been helping each other, exchanging thoughts, well most of the time bullying one another. Haha. Jaymee being the makatwiran in everything, Mae Anne being the funniest, Cris being the matapang, and me being the perfect girl. Char! I can brag na we are all responsible employees. Pinalaki kasi kami ni Mam Mae na may disiplina. Takot lang namin kay Mam. Though we have rants and random lazy mood, I can say na dedicated kami lahat sa trabaho. Our personalities have also jive thus there isn't any dull moment when we're together. Unli chika, picture, and tawa most of time. But believe me, we are deep persons. May sense kami magusap. Minsan. Haha.

On becoming Prod

Most of the CCD are eyeing Prod Dept.as option given the chance to transfer. Lakas makaengineer vibe kasi ng prod. Site decision maker and tigamonitor ng construction, et al. Boss ng contractor at ng CM. I am honestly happy to be part of Prod team of MRB. Siguradong madami akong hahabulin at aaralin sa technical yet I am very much excited to learn. Sa totoo lang akala ko CCD na ko forevs. Nag settle na ko dun e. Kinakabahan ako maging prod pero I always opt to try something beyond the limits. Well, limitations with good reasons. Lezdothis!

On my previous boss

As she has seen me grow up in CCD, I saw how she has changed too. From being the masungit boss, she is less masungit now. Masungit pa din. Haha yet in a good way. Sabi ko nga maganda yung disiplina nya samin. Siguro kung hindi sya naging strict, nawalan din siguro ako ng faith sa CCD. Ituturo nya sayo ang tamang process at susundin mo ito without hesitations. Tutulungan ka nya sa concern mong hindi masolve. Ipagtatanggol ka nya sa ibang dept.na binubully ka. Tutulungan ka nya magfollow up. Ipupush ka nya to reach great goals. I consider Ms.Mae as mentor. Sobrang lalim na ng pinagsamahan namin. I witnessed how her people come and go and I was beside her as it happened. Almost five years. May mga pagkakataon na nagaway kami, napagalitan nya ko, nagkamali sya, mas madalas ako ang nagkamali, maraming moment na kinailangan ko ang advice nya, naging proud sya sakin at ako din sa kanya. Umiyak ako nung sinabi nya na HRB na sya, parang nag flash back sakin lahat. Kami ang tunay na tandem. Nakakalungkot na magkaiba na kami ng project. Para akong anak na kailangan ng umalis sa bahay ng parents nya. Para akong nakipagbreak. It was a relationship I will always treasure. Thankful ako kasi maganda yung guidance at growth ko sa trabaho. Sa totoo lang nagroom na nya ko going to CCD head. Ain't bragging about it but super proud talaga ako to be among the eldest in CCD. Well ngayon, wala na. Still questioning if the dept.made sense to others. What about all the efforts and projects we made. Anyway, I knew everything will still be on right track. I trust the decision makers. I love the company and I will always be loyal. 

On my new boss

Well kinakabahan ako. Naging boss ko sya for quite some time. Nakakapressure. Yet I am very much eager to learn from him. Matalino sya, sigurado madami ako matututunan lalo na dahil engineer sya. Bilib ako sa kanya. Let's see how we roll from here. Lezdothis!

On the new setup 

Basically nakatrabaho ko na naman lahat ng mga bago kong kasama sa dept. Bilang mga prod sila at naikutan ko na lahat ng project, I believe it will be easy for me to catch up with them. Muka namang iguguide din ako ng mga yun. And vice versa, because I'll be teaching them CCD works. Hihi.

Boylet 101

Atty101

Mam Mae: Jessa pumunta ka daw kay Atty. now na hihintayin ka nya, idiscuss mo sa kanya yung history ng concern

Me: Sige po 

Atty.: Tanong 1, Tanong 2, Tanong 3 and so on

Me: Di ko alam Atty.e itatanong ko po muna 

Atty.: Sige balikan mo nalang ako wala ka naman nasagot. Iemail mo ko hanggang bukas

Haha sorry na po. 

Atty102

Sent an email earlier than commitment *pakitang gilas*

Atty.: Jessa, let's meet the PM next week

Me: Sige Sir sa Feb14 po. Chos

Atty103

Yung moment na nahihiya ka kumuha ng food sa kabilang office pero nung nakita mo sya nawala na yung hiya mo kasi gusto mo sya sundan. Nyaha

Tapooooooos nag hi sya sakin sa area. Nauna sya nauna sya!!!

Atty104

Spotted him in the hallway of the building. Malayo palang nakita ko nagtetext sya pero nakita na nya kami. Tapos nung magkasalubong na kami, tumingin sya and nagsmile, sabi ko lang "Hi Atty."

Overthink po more Jez!!!!

Tapos kanina nakita ko yung throwback ng officemate ko na si Atty.yung nagdala ng flowers nung bday. Ang sakit sakit. Chos!

Client101

Ang pogi pogi mo po. Kaso may fiance ka na. Bagay pa naman tayo. Bait mo po and funny and mayaman. Achieve mo na yung standards ko e. May jowa ka lang. Whyyyy? Tsssssss

Sir101

Finollow mo po ako sa instagram. Nagpakipot ako bago kita ifollow, after 4 hours pa. Haha. Love u po. Chos!

For Record

Believe me, I'm not weird.

I am about to document conversations that made an impact to me from the past days.

Masama ba na judgmental ako?
Okay lang siguro. Kasi hindi mo naman alam baka jinajudge ka din ng ibang tao, so quits quits lang. Says by another judgmental friend. Haha sorry na.

Mataas yata standards ni Jessa e?
Oo at wag mong ibaba please. Agreed by another friend. Haha. Ganda ko e no. Ang perfect ko. Sorry na.

Ang pagiging perfectionist minsan mas nakakasama kesa sa mas nakakabuti. Kung lalagyan mo ng criteria lahat ng bagay kadalasan it will lead to disappointments. By far the most serious, on point advise that don't support me being judgmental. Currently struggling to absorb but well noted. Some people really have to disapprove me for good.

Naalala ko tuloy si GP. Lawyer, mayaman, matalino, graduate ng UAAP school, maganda first and last name, may sense of humor, religious, prim and proper, cute, kageneration ko. Exactly the perfect guy I wanted. Pero wala akong gana kausap sya. Walang spark. Fail!

Parang bully si Jessa no. Nakakausap nyo ba yun ng matino? YES I am nakakausap ng matino! Haha

2015 Highlights

January

Celebrated my 25th. Still kid at heart and immature. Haha
Saw the Pope.
The 1975 concert!

February

Valentine's with Jaymee.
Met a new acquaintance.
Chinese New Year with the fambam.

March

Met Bianca Gonzalez in her Paano ba 'to book signing.
Ed Sheeran concert!
Catch up with NCOAB
Nikay's Love Revisited album launch
1D concert!

April

Baguio getaway
The Script concert!
Lucia's birthday
Met up with the acquaintance
Met Patty Laurel and saw Patrick Filart

May

Owl City concert!
Met Johan
Catch up with college friends
CCD outing in Bulacan
Broke heart

June

Curled up
Ocean park getaway

July

Impromptu Padi's with kadesserts
Nikay's SM Dasma mall tour
Tagaytay getaway with fambam
Science exhibit tour

August

Paper Towns
Laser tag with CCD fam
Ayala Museum tour
Sheppard Manila
Nikay's Shang mall show
Walk the Moon
Johan's birthday

September

Canyon Cove - Vista Summit
Crosswinds getaway
Met Lucia
Maroon 5 concert!!!
SFC catch up
Heneral Luna
Nikay's bridal shower

October

No Filter
Quezon escapade
Halloween Party

November

Nikay's Greenbelt Christmas show
Quezon getaway with the family
Mt.Pinatubo trek
Enchanted Kingdom with CCD fam
#KnottingGil
Justin Christening

December

MBV Birthday and Vista Christmas Party
Catch up with Edslyn
All other Christmas and Year End parties (Vista, Presidio, CCD, contractors, Crown MRB, Nixters, year end)
SGA Batch 2005 reunion
Kim Christening