How do you define bitterness? Two things, maybe. 1) When you see your ex already moved one, already in a relationship, yet you still want to win him back and you're left as a looser 2) When you see your ex already moved one, already in a relationship, you don't love him and you truly, madly, deeply hate him, and he's a looser. However, love is still generally described as a happy feeling, so you'll always look forward to something new to smile about.
I get easily attracted to opposite sex. I ain't the friendly girl though so I'm having a hard time to do pacute moves to my crushes. One friend told me, "bakit di mo sila kinakaibigan?" and that made me think too. I should've been friends with these guys but it really wasn't my personality. I've been having crushes in numbers, but there are few that has just a great impact on me that they last long in my list-of-people-to-stalk. I remember back in high school when I had a huge admiration with these junior guys.Gah, social network wasn't really in that time, so I get infos about them thru my classmates who had the guts to befriend these cute older school mates. And my classmates who unfortunately like them too, gets more pacute highschool girl points and nakakakilig memories from them.
It was summer after highschool graduation when I get to meet boys in the village. Yeah, summer flingy, summer love. I've met teenagers, few years older than me and get to know them. Meanwhile, there are top three man I won't forget. Let's not count the guys around who I think just played and try courting me and my friends (and me being bitter). One guy must be the one I have love much but didn't end up with. One must be my ultimate crush. And one unfortunately became part of my life and destroyed the love life I shared with him. (bitterness count)
During late years in college, I've eyed older batch men. The experiences though must have repeated. I get their names, I get infos about them from my classmates who are friends with them, and thanks to Zuckerberg because facebook is an easier way of stalking. Haha. Let me mention the summer flingy also with this cute, weirdo guy. Hihi.
Meanwhile, this paragraph belongs to the guy I saw in jeepney going to Vito Cruz way back my board review days. I have daydream a lot about him and I'd be fortunate if I'll be able to meet him. The magic of love at first sight is happening to me. The magic of destiny might work too. Hi, La Salle guy (I assume) who wears green shirt, denim pants, white converse, and gray backpack last September 17, 2010, I hope our paths will cross again. :) Hopeless romantic, YES I AM.
At work, I get to meet people around whom I admire also. I cannot count them the same way I cannot name them. Most of them was quick admiration, and only few gets to stay in my daydream fantasies. Lately though, I've noticed that I am eyeing more older men than the way I did before. Most of my crush before were 3 years older than me. However, since last year, my long time crushes were 5 years above older than me. Can I just name Atom Araullo, Chris Tiu, Champ Lui Pio, and Adam Levine which are among my ideal partner in life. Plus the guy no.1 who is actually married, yet I really wanted to be my buddy, and the guy no. 2 who's been in my mind and heart ever since I met him.
I can say that guy no. 1 is my friend but there is still boundary line from us. We weren't the friends I wanted us to be. We had random talks and exchange of laughter. I just don't know where it will take us. Guy no.2 on the other hand, mentioned my name during our first meeting but I don't think he still remembers me. But at the back of my mind, I hope he does recall my name and face.
During the past year that I've get to know these guys better (because of stalking), Atom, Chris, Champ, Adam, Guy 1, and Guy 2, I realize that they are more man enough when it comes to relationships. They aren't the boys in my past who got tantrums and has shallow understanding. Or was it just because they were also young that time. One more reason why I am attracted to older guys is my longing for a brother. I've always want someone to be with in my sporty-trying-hard moments, carnival rides, nature trips, and all. Most importantly life thoughts talk on a man's perspective. I just think that these guys are mature enough and thinking on a long term basis. Although they knew how to have fun too, I thought they knew their priorities well enough.
So hi guy no.2, I'm existing. :) Happy Valentine's!
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