Hummy

There’s so much I wanted to say, there’s too much emotions I wanted to burst out, and there are still stories left unclear. This break up has put all the feelings, rumbles, and questions to mine the past week. 

The main people affected is part of my life. I may not be close enough to them but I am a witness to their love story because I get to know both of them personally, face to face, got to share conversations and laughter. Sometimes I still can’t believe I’ve actually met them. But one thing I have to believe in is the two had to go separate ways. There have been lots off confusions and conclusions to this fuss but who are we to judge. The two were the only ones who can give us the answers but respect for privacy could be the most appropriate to give. Yes they are public figure but whether a celebrity or a regular citizen, we all have reasons to get hurt, cry, and be sad. Could we at least make life fair to them? But it can never be. 

I admire those who understand and I hope those who meddle had at least the reason to care. We all tend to get broken and when we know that people around us care and love us, acceptance and moving on would be easier. 

Our lives weren’t different to them. We get lost, we hurt people, we make decisions we weren’t sure if good. We were left by people we love, we fight for a relationship, we let go. We feel the anger, we go trough in denial stage, we accept, and then we move on. We cling again to destiny, to happy ever after, to dream come true, to true love. After all it’s amazing to love and be loved.

Gotta love August 1

I always look forward to beginnings. Although everyday, we can always do a good start, it's a stereotype that we do plans, goals, or resolutions during transition periods. It's more like I'll get a new hairstyle on August, I'll exercise starting Monday, I'll organize my files on the next quarter, or I'll be a health buff after New Year's Eve. So we welcome the 8th month today and we've been reading and hearing "August, please be good to me" e inaano ka ba ni August. My 1st day with Pareng August is actually a good one!

I woke up late than the usual. I did my morning routine then I left home. Today was one of the days I wish I had wake up early. I had a hard time waiting for the transportation going to work. It took me almost 30 minutes of waiting. During the travel time, I glance at my watch every now and then. The train is also too busy as it used to be. I guess I am late in the office for 5 minutes which is way too far to my usual 2-hour early bird employee.

I do my work errands, updates, paper works, etc. I went to site for a quick house turnover to client. After that, we headed to the mall to grab some lunch with lots of kwento in between . We went back to office and still continued eating, a choco mallow and cheesecake this time for dessert.

Maybe you're wondering what is amazing with that usual day of a regular employee. I'm weirdo at times but not today. The highlight of my day is seeing my crush. (So do you really think I'm weird?) He wasn't just this ordinary guy that i found cute or witty or what, he is actually my ideal guy. There have been blog post and poems and happy writings about him.

All the while I thought I was over him until that very moment...when I thought the feelings were gone, the daydreams were forgotten, and the acceptance had happened, the almost empty love I had goes up, recharged, and full of dreams yet again.

He passes by our cubicle and he glances at me I assume. My heart beats fast, my face blushes, and my smile is endless. My universe has stopped for a while and I stand up to make sure that it was him and to find out where is he going.

All the feelings were reminisced, all the things from the beginning just flashes, and I am back to be the girl who's hopelessly in love with the guy who is unfortunately in a relationship. Just another fail moment in love.

After an hour there was a commotion that happened inside the office which made us into panic mode. When all was buzzing and walking and asking, my world just stops again as I stare the guy of my dreams. He could've been my dream come true only if he wasn't into a commitment. Damn it. Why do guys that I like we're all complicated when paired to me. Guess I'm the looser here. Anyway, I'm just too happy that I finally, after 7 months, I get to see him again. His checkered top, and the boss's bag he's carrying and his more matured face. You seems better now and happier and smarter. My love for you that I thought was almost empty goes overflow and become unlimited again.

Was it destined that we are now under the same boss? I hope to see you more often. Maybe it wasn't love at all. I'm very vocal on wishing to have a guy bestfriend or an older brother. Maybe we can. Can we?

Happy August ahead!

I wasn't over you, day 2.

I saw a semi bald guy early this afternoon and I am thinking if that was you. The guy smiled and I left hanging and wondering who he is. I'm confident I've seen him before. Was that you? Maybe not. But who he is? Damn this feeling.

I wasn't over you, day 2. I am haunted.

I wasn't over you.

I thought I am already okay when I stop longing for you. But I still stand upon the chance of seeing you again and taking the risk of heart break just to make me smile on seeing your lovely face. I did not attend an event which I’m guessing you’ll be present. The destiny wasn’t going straight to my dream love life. We really aren’t meant to be. You didn’t know I’m hurting and that would be weird if you found out. I am telling the truth if we end up being together. I bet you’ll never know.

Emo Post

#likeastalker

You’re too cute when you water the plants. You’re the regular guy I wanted to marry. I adore your big house and your blue car. When can I found someone like you? I miss our cute talks.

#brokendreams

So I finally knew the answer. They say the things you never knew won’t hurt you. Yet it will give you lasting hope that eventually will break you. I guess that’s what I felt from the moment I saw his photo with the girl I certainly know he loves. He’s old enough for flings and I like him because he seems to be a good guy. There’s no future for us. Goodbye.

#solicitedfriendship

That moment when I am kinda sad because it seems that I do not exist to you when I talk. Yet, I found out that you care enough thru our journey home. Although I wasn’t the only one you care for on that group. K. But thanks, that’s sweet.

#heartbreak

I thought I found a new crush

Watched him that night and the day after that

Planning on how to get close to him

Then at the end of the day I found out that he’s married.

Common Denominator: They are all married.

I am the weird girl who likes them. I am like a stalker with broken dreams and wanted solicited friendship because of heartbreak.

Wrong Turn

What if destiny took a wrong turn on its way to the moment when we are supposed to meet? What if I chose a different path and didn’t have a chance to cross your path? This might be explained by “everything happens for a reason”. There are 8 billion people in this world and I may be lucky to have known you. Just a second of an act can lead us to a different destiny. I could have been myself today. However, if your parents didn’t meet each other, you can be a billionaire’s son, a pop star, or you might be one of the boys who broke Taylor Swift’s heart. But destiny decides that we have to be married, someday, maybe, I hope, I certainly want. Oh well, we are just a regular employee who work for the same boss now.

It was random work obligation and there I’ve known you. I can’t use the word “meet”, because we weren’t personally introduced to each other. I don’t know if you still remember me because I won’t forget you’ve mentioned my name once during the time that we are together. That was the sweetest thing I heard from you, when you call me in my first name.

I remember the tough time I had when I am waiting for my colleagues to talk about you and spill your name. I have searched you in social network sites and I googled your name. I am deeply into you. What have you done? Gush. *heartbreak*

This blog is an entry I will tell to my children regarding “how I met their father”. Aaah, so much of HIMYM. Aaaah, so much of daydreams about you.  I feel like I am the girl version of Ted Mosby. I am persuaded to found “The One.” I wish you are the end portion of the fairy tale, I wish you are my happily ever after, my prince charming.

I am writing this because I am too confused. If you just knew that you are whom I talk about, you could’ve have answer my worries, my fears.

Who is the girl in your social site profile photo?

Why did you keep the profile inactive then make it active after long months, then make it inactive again after I add you as a friend?

You don’t want us to be friends, maybe? Coz you don’t know me personally. Gah.

I check the sites of people close to you, and saw a suspicious girl who might be your new girl.

But when you get back to social site, the first girl photo was still there?

Is it you just don’t bother deleting it, or she’s still the girl?

But how are you connected with girl number 2?

Why does she have a hyphened surname same as yours?

Damn it. Damn it. Damn it.

You can’t be married, where is the wedding ring? Or the engagement ring?

If you marry her, why is she still with the company?

Or is she really still with the company?

Her email and messenger is active. It isn’t allowed.

Or were you still in the company?

Who transferred to the sister company?

Your relative may be the one she’s in a relationship with.

You may be the reason why they met.

But where are you in the New Year’s photo of your family.

Are you with girl number 2?

Or do you spent the holiday with the girl in the photo.

But why when I search in the friends of girl number 2, your family (which I mean, parents and siblings) were the only names I found.

Or maybe the guy who’s in a relationship with girl number 2 doesn’t have a facebook.

But you don’t have facebook, too.

I hate you. I hate that I love you. I just wanted to scream. Scream that I hate you. Scream that I love you. What if destiny took a wrong turn on its way to the moment when we are supposed to meet? Or was meeting you, the wrong turn?

I’m sorry.

Not Chris Tiu

(c) Photo from Web

The anticipation of seeing you.

The forever I wanted to be with you.

You’re more possible.

But impossible.

This complicated feelings.

Better than I don’t know nothing than knowing something that’s hurting.

But I wanted to know still.

Yes. My feelings are complicated.

I’m sorry.

For myself.

I’m sorry.

If I love you.

Circa.01.02.2013

Valentine's Entry

When you replaced an old one to something new.

The old one. The bitterness of the past, the sad memories, but most importantly the lesson learned. Love can really be complicated, yeah, most of the time.

How do you define bitterness? Two things, maybe. 1) When you see your ex already moved one, already in a relationship, yet you still want to win him back and you're left as a looser 2) When you see your ex already moved one, already in a relationship, you don't love him and you truly, madly, deeply hate him, and he's a looser. However, love is still generally described as a happy feeling, so you'll always look forward to something new to smile about.

I get easily attracted to opposite sex. I ain't the friendly girl though so I'm having a hard time to do pacute moves to my crushes. One friend told me, "bakit di mo sila kinakaibigan?" and that made me think too. I should've been friends with these guys but it really wasn't my personality. I've been having crushes in numbers, but there are few that has just a great impact on me that they last long in my list-of-people-to-stalk. I remember back in high school when I had a huge admiration with these junior guys.Gah, social network wasn't really in that time, so I get infos about them thru my classmates who had the guts to befriend these cute older school mates. And my classmates who unfortunately like them too, gets more pacute highschool girl points and nakakakilig memories from them.

It was summer after highschool graduation when I get to meet boys in the village. Yeah, summer flingy, summer love. I've met teenagers, few years older than me and get to know them. Meanwhile, there are top three man I won't forget. Let's not count the guys around who I think just played and try courting me and my friends (and me being bitter). One guy must be the one I have love much but didn't end up with. One must be my ultimate crush. And one unfortunately became part of my life and destroyed the love life I shared with him. (bitterness count)

During late years in college, I've eyed older batch men. The experiences though must have repeated. I get their names, I get infos about them from my classmates who are friends with them, and thanks to Zuckerberg because facebook is an easier way of stalking. Haha. Let me mention the summer flingy also with this cute, weirdo guy. Hihi.

Meanwhile, this paragraph belongs to the guy I saw in jeepney going to Vito Cruz way back my board review days. I have daydream a lot about him and I'd be fortunate if I'll be able to meet him. The magic of love at first sight is happening to me. The magic of destiny might work too. Hi, La Salle guy (I assume) who wears green shirt, denim pants, white converse, and gray backpack last September 17, 2010, I hope our paths will cross again. :) Hopeless romantic, YES I AM.

At work, I get to meet people around whom I admire also. I cannot count them the same way I cannot name them. Most of them was quick admiration, and only few gets to stay in my daydream fantasies. Lately though, I've noticed that I am eyeing more older men than the way I did before. Most of my crush before were 3 years older than me. However, since last year, my long time crushes were 5 years above older than me. Can I just name Atom Araullo, Chris Tiu, Champ Lui Pio, and Adam Levine which are among my ideal partner in life. Plus the guy no.1 who is actually married, yet I really wanted to be my buddy, and the guy no. 2 who's been in my mind and heart ever since I met him.

I can say that guy no. 1 is my friend but there is still boundary line from us. We weren't the friends I wanted us to be. We had random talks and exchange of laughter. I just don't know where it will take us. Guy no.2 on the other hand, mentioned my name during our first meeting but I don't think he still remembers me. But at the back of my mind, I hope he does recall my name and face.

During the past year that I've get to know these guys better (because of stalking), Atom, Chris, Champ, Adam, Guy 1, and Guy 2, I realize that they are more man enough when it comes to relationships. They aren't the boys in my past who got tantrums and has shallow understanding. Or was it just because they were also young that time. One more reason why I am attracted to older guys is my longing for a brother. I've always want someone to be with in my sporty-trying-hard moments, carnival rides, nature trips, and all. Most importantly life thoughts talk on a man's perspective. I just think that these guys are mature enough and thinking on a long term basis. Although they knew how to have fun too, I thought they knew their priorities well enough.

So hi guy no.2, I'm existing. :) Happy Valentine's!

 

I won't forget, Part 2

I decided to join halfheartedly AGAIN

But then I go home extremely happy.

When one isn't available for a meeting

And boss asks me to attend

I did, I seat, I listen.

On a crowded room 

I found his pretty face

Must be my favorite for the year

And I want to look at him forever.

He's adjacent to me

I should've seat beside him.

But still, a wonderful day

An earlier treat for my eyes

A forever treat in my heart.

I like you.I love you.
You're cute in blue.

Circa 12.10.12

#jfp

Note to Self

On career.
You're very lucky to have a good profession. You're even luckier to be working in a successful, respectable company. You're young and talented. Always work at your best and exceed your bosses expectations. Make your clients satisfied and delighted. Make your company, your family, and most importantly YOURSELF proud! You learn and grow everyday. Achieve your goals with your head high and feet on the ground.

On spiritual life.
Your GOD is the most amazing. Never stop praising and thanking him. Don't be sad if he don't grant your wishes instead be glad 'coz he's working it out to give you the best. Always take time to talk to him. He's always there, he loves you forever.

On love.
You knew your lessons well yet there's still much to learn. You could have met the right guy but the right time is not yet to come. Just wait. He might be the dream guy you've been fantasizing, your long time celebrity crush, your office mate. You'll never know. What's for sure is LOVE is MAGICAL! ♥

On life.
Always live by your motto. Seize the day. Continue your bucket list and add 'til you can. Be optimistic. You know there's always a good thing in every situation. Spend more time with your family and love them the most. Celebrate friendship with the people you knew, whether old or new. And continue to meet people, you'll learn from them and vice versa. Love and laugh. Life is too short, you don't wanna waste it.

Thanks to The Pats

Thank you for being appreciative, Patty and Patrick! ♥

Happy Pats

Happy New Year. My first post for 2012 is about lurve♥! Meet my favorite couple for 2011-the poging poging Patrick and prettyng pretty Patty. Aaaaaw. They may not be my close friend, I may not know the history of their relationship, but I am definitely one of the happiest person when I heard the story of their engagement!

Credits to dapattylaurel.blogspot.com

I knew about Ms. Patty way back 2009 and I've followed her life adventures thru her blog since then. She is one of the reason why I put up this blog and I'm glad it's still existing. Patty Laurel is indeed an amazing girl. I've always admire her lifestyle and personality. I wish I can travel as much as she does, I wish I can write as creative as she does, I wish I can dress and make up beautifully like her, I wish I have wackiest, weirdest pose yet still managed to be pretty in photographs, I wish I have the sweetest boyfriend, oh fiance, on earth.

Credits to twitter.com/PatrickFilart

Credits to dapattylaurel.blogspot.com

Talking about Mr. Patrick, I knew him thru Ms. Patty's posts both in twitter and blogspot. Definitely a fine, awesome man. I had the chance to interact with him thru twitter and I am truly overwhelmed with his responses. It's real cool how an ordinary reply from a boyf of the girl you look up to just made your day. It may be ordinary to him but for me it's the tweet I won't forget all my life. Hehehe.

You can read their engagement story here:
http://dapattylaurel.blogspot.com/2012/01/starting-2012-with-big-bang.html
http://dapattylaurel.blogspot.com/2012/01/glow-in-dark-proposal.html
http://dapattylaurel.blogspot.com/2012/01/my-precious.html

I love you, Patty♥Patrick-Perfect Match! I hope to meet both of you someday. :)