The Journey to Finding The One

This is a lame post so don't bother reading. I just wanted these feelings be remembered.

You're always aloof to me. Can we at least give friendship a chance? I like you and I always look forward to talking to you. But it seems I wasn't existing. When will you ever notice me?

It was nice to have random group conversation with you. Your humor is always lovely.You also sing good. You're smart. If only we can carbon copy your personality and your pogi face. You're too awesome. And will always be too awesome for me, for us girls.

I confirmed that the guy I adore in the past was different from you. You seem nice and I felt we had this connection. You're a cutie. Should I try to pursue this feelings? The first two weren't a success. Should I try? Can we try? Is it worth it?

Your chinito face is relaxing. You are the image of my daydream guy-intelligent, good looking, rich yet humble, family oriented. There is something missing but maybe we can work it out. Let's be friends?

Sigh everyday.

I wasn't over you, day 2.

I saw a semi bald guy early this afternoon and I am thinking if that was you. The guy smiled and I left hanging and wondering who he is. I'm confident I've seen him before. Was that you? Maybe not. But who he is? Damn this feeling.

I wasn't over you, day 2. I am haunted.

I wasn't over you.

I thought I am already okay when I stop longing for you. But I still stand upon the chance of seeing you again and taking the risk of heart break just to make me smile on seeing your lovely face. I did not attend an event which I’m guessing you’ll be present. The destiny wasn’t going straight to my dream love life. We really aren’t meant to be. You didn’t know I’m hurting and that would be weird if you found out. I am telling the truth if we end up being together. I bet you’ll never know.

Emo Post

#likeastalker

You’re too cute when you water the plants. You’re the regular guy I wanted to marry. I adore your big house and your blue car. When can I found someone like you? I miss our cute talks.

#brokendreams

So I finally knew the answer. They say the things you never knew won’t hurt you. Yet it will give you lasting hope that eventually will break you. I guess that’s what I felt from the moment I saw his photo with the girl I certainly know he loves. He’s old enough for flings and I like him because he seems to be a good guy. There’s no future for us. Goodbye.

#solicitedfriendship

That moment when I am kinda sad because it seems that I do not exist to you when I talk. Yet, I found out that you care enough thru our journey home. Although I wasn’t the only one you care for on that group. K. But thanks, that’s sweet.

#heartbreak

I thought I found a new crush

Watched him that night and the day after that

Planning on how to get close to him

Then at the end of the day I found out that he’s married.

Common Denominator: They are all married.

I am the weird girl who likes them. I am like a stalker with broken dreams and wanted solicited friendship because of heartbreak.

Random Weirdness

1. I am currently hooked with the How I Met Your Mother series. It never fails to give me a good laugh after a long day of work. Thanks “liking @yaelyraz days” because I’ve found out about this awesome series.

2. Recently, I am hanging out with this friend during late noon and I am glad I have a confidante whenever I want to talk. I certainly enjoy exchanging stories with him. He might be the best friend I am searching for. But not really, he’s still just a close friend.

3. So I found this guy’s facebook. I was hesitant to add him and I am torn of sending him a personal hi or just wait until he accepts my friend request. I am eager that I constantly check my account. But today, I found out that his account was deleted yet again. He could’ve seen my request then. And he wasn’t interested. I am broken hearted girl again.

4. Your signature smile never fail to make me smile literally and inside. I adore your pretty face. J

5. I wasn’t expecting to see you. I am supposed to do a random visit in the village, and there I saw you. I don’t know if it’s dyahe when you found me in the motorcycle. Or is it cool for you? Then I saw your pretty smile. You look stunningly handsome. Damn. Then I saw you and your wife, it somehow break my heart. But still I love both of you, I love your relationship, I love you being a couple. You’re ideal. 

Forgive me, I am weird.

Wrong Turn

What if destiny took a wrong turn on its way to the moment when we are supposed to meet? What if I chose a different path and didn’t have a chance to cross your path? This might be explained by “everything happens for a reason”. There are 8 billion people in this world and I may be lucky to have known you. Just a second of an act can lead us to a different destiny. I could have been myself today. However, if your parents didn’t meet each other, you can be a billionaire’s son, a pop star, or you might be one of the boys who broke Taylor Swift’s heart. But destiny decides that we have to be married, someday, maybe, I hope, I certainly want. Oh well, we are just a regular employee who work for the same boss now.

It was random work obligation and there I’ve known you. I can’t use the word “meet”, because we weren’t personally introduced to each other. I don’t know if you still remember me because I won’t forget you’ve mentioned my name once during the time that we are together. That was the sweetest thing I heard from you, when you call me in my first name.

I remember the tough time I had when I am waiting for my colleagues to talk about you and spill your name. I have searched you in social network sites and I googled your name. I am deeply into you. What have you done? Gush. *heartbreak*

This blog is an entry I will tell to my children regarding “how I met their father”. Aaah, so much of HIMYM. Aaaah, so much of daydreams about you.  I feel like I am the girl version of Ted Mosby. I am persuaded to found “The One.” I wish you are the end portion of the fairy tale, I wish you are my happily ever after, my prince charming.

I am writing this because I am too confused. If you just knew that you are whom I talk about, you could’ve have answer my worries, my fears.

Who is the girl in your social site profile photo?

Why did you keep the profile inactive then make it active after long months, then make it inactive again after I add you as a friend?

You don’t want us to be friends, maybe? Coz you don’t know me personally. Gah.

I check the sites of people close to you, and saw a suspicious girl who might be your new girl.

But when you get back to social site, the first girl photo was still there?

Is it you just don’t bother deleting it, or she’s still the girl?

But how are you connected with girl number 2?

Why does she have a hyphened surname same as yours?

Damn it. Damn it. Damn it.

You can’t be married, where is the wedding ring? Or the engagement ring?

If you marry her, why is she still with the company?

Or is she really still with the company?

Her email and messenger is active. It isn’t allowed.

Or were you still in the company?

Who transferred to the sister company?

Your relative may be the one she’s in a relationship with.

You may be the reason why they met.

But where are you in the New Year’s photo of your family.

Are you with girl number 2?

Or do you spent the holiday with the girl in the photo.

But why when I search in the friends of girl number 2, your family (which I mean, parents and siblings) were the only names I found.

Or maybe the guy who’s in a relationship with girl number 2 doesn’t have a facebook.

But you don’t have facebook, too.

I hate you. I hate that I love you. I just wanted to scream. Scream that I hate you. Scream that I love you. What if destiny took a wrong turn on its way to the moment when we are supposed to meet? Or was meeting you, the wrong turn?

I’m sorry.

Poem 117: Hopeless

Maybe we can chat sometime;

i haven't reallY notice yOu
until a friend told me she likes yoU
i thought you're a Regular guy
but it sEems you make girls Cry.

yoU are few years older
you're married To your drEam gIrl
if only we met wheN you're younGer
maybe we can fLing and flirt.

last 30th we were together
i look bAck the dayS i watch you
you were a Stunner
and your humor makEs you hotter.

i tried throwing punchlineS
but you never even notice
i guess i can't make you laugh
i'm the hopelss girl at your back.

i wish i knew how to play cards
so we can have the chance to interact
but i am the hopeless girl
standing in the corner.

i like it when you wear seatbelt
and you check your gps in your gadget
the road trip with you i won't forget
in case you haven't notice, i'm the girl in the backseat.

i smiled when you mentioned strawberries
i smile to your stories
for a moment, i forgot my anxieties
your cuteness i cannot resist.

if love can be purchase
i'll save money to get you
but love is always priceless
and forever i am hopeless.

I always talk about you.

The fact that I know where you are and who's with you in three days make me feel at ease.

Someday, maybe you'll ask me to marry you. I'd say I do.

What I'm Feeling Now

I've been spending the last 8 months

Thinking all love ever does

Is break and burn and end

But on a Wednesday in a cafe

I watched it begin again.

Poem 116: Seconds

When destiny meets us again;

(c) Photo from Web

been thinking about you four Weeks now
trying to convInce myself that the girL isn't the one
trying my Luck to see you In the souTh
haven't really get any chance.

wEnt to the mall to do errands
along with a friend, i walk by
crossed the street and went back
pass the door looking around.

saw a familiar face
in the cafe he is sitting
looking at him carefully
currently on a meeting.

eyes are too focus
in the place where he is
long straight seconds i look
and he catches me.

that was almost 3 pm
when our eyes met for seconds
didn't know how to react
eyes immediately look the other way.

trapped in the situation
wrong, fail decision
i should'Ve smilE
wink these beautiful eyes

don't you feel we'Re meant to bE
you sport a new haircut hoNey
uh oh also me
maybe we really are Destiny.

Poem 115: Better Not Often

It was a nice catch up;

(c) Photo from Web

i walk by outside

bid gOodbye to a client

then i saw you walk by

smile and say hi.

tease you to a snack treat

and you said yes let's eat

order noodles and seat

may be shallow but For me it's sweet.

we talk and tell stories

personal liFe and about office

realIzed we're two years now

since the day we met.

i Certainly remember that day

that was march twEnty eight

when we shake hands and exChange names

i will never foRget.

my hair on my right shoUlder

your eyeS on my face

i feel beautiful today

you just completed my day.

i guess it's even better

wHen not often we see each other

i treasured every minute

'coz everyday it doesn't happen.

'til we're done

'til we say goodbye

and you tell me to text you

if i plan to drop by.

i'll miss you

but not everyday i wanted to see you

if together we walk and talk

it's better not often.

Poem 114: Same Lives

Or not;

 (c) Photos from Web

we are siblings of three
saMe as your family
i Am the elDest
just likE you.

i have a brother and a sister
and you have too
our naMes start with j
your namEs start with j too.

you're an engineer
just like me
we work in the Same cOmpany
housEs around you and Me.

we live in sOuth
similar To you
don't you thInk we're destined to each other
because i dO, i waNt to.

i love you
you don't feel the way i do
you don't know me even
i guess so.

we got sAme lives
but our surname won't be the same
you are impossibLe dream
i end up daydreaming.

When I Met You

.:: www.FarsKids.Com ::. - 14. Everything Has Changed (Feat. Ed Sheeran) [128]

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Exactly the way I felt.

Poem 113: To Stop Loving

How?;

(c) Photo from Web

overwhelmed with your existence

I am missing your presence

i wonder where our paths will Cross again

i wonder when our eyes will meet again.

i want to know more About you

i wish you feel the same way too

everyday i miss you

everyday i love you.

cyber stalking is what i do

so i can get iNfos regarding you

it’s too hard Though

because your facebook i cannot view.

it must be deleted or kept private

i assume the girl before wasn’t your girl anymore

fool enough to keep my hopes up

‘coz another girl seems to be around.

i come up with stories

i conclude situations

i am hurting this much

this feeling is too tough.

all the grand feelings i am getting

today is really bothering

should i continue pursuing

is it easy to stop loving?

Circa.01.30.2013

Not Chris Tiu

(c) Photo from Web

The anticipation of seeing you.

The forever I wanted to be with you.

You’re more possible.

But impossible.

This complicated feelings.

Better than I don’t know nothing than knowing something that’s hurting.

But I wanted to know still.

Yes. My feelings are complicated.

I’m sorry.

For myself.

I’m sorry.

If I love you.

Circa.01.02.2013

Poem 112: Glance

Short, lovely sight;

(c) Photo from Web

quota in the morning
i knew the night wilL be exciting
lOoking for you everywhere
so near Yet far away

An hour passed
i haven't catch even one gLance
someone ask me to stand
but i sTayed during the presentation of award

You might be included
on the people who will go upstage
my instincts were right
you were called to go up

eyes were fixed on you
i'll surely miss you
everyday i wanted to see you
possible but very hard to do

your batch were called
my eyes were focus in front
and your happy smile i adore
you bring to me good vibes and joy

the night is young
my love so high
you went up for photograph
my last and final sight tonight.

Circa.12.12.2012

Poem 111: Glimpse of You

I love you;

(c) Photo from Web

you're the first person i saw when we arrived
might not also but because i wanted and chose to see you, then i do.

i'm searching for you when we're about to form the group
lucky enough to be next to your troop
among the six team, am too glad that your line is Just next to mine.

yOu're one of the lead marshall
you're the one i admire
During the formation in fun run
your face wonderfully shine.

we startEd the marathon
to catch you up is the motivation
yet you were so fast
haLfway we meet, my inspiration.

everyone was effin tired
we were sitting on the road side
then i found you standing
when i look to my right, you are smiLing bright.

the next set begins
we stand by watching
saw another glimpse of you
in the bike your riding.

looking at you with amazement
i love you for being athletic
i smiled the whole time
though i regret for not watching the obstacles you survived.

the games were continued
too busy to catch a glimpse
i wonder where are you
everywhere i'm searching for you.

the team members have to group again
my happy meter once more has gain
and your group line beside mine
you catch my eyes, my heart.

everyone was again tired
grab some food to eat, water to fight the heat
there i saw you in the tent side
standing, smiling, everything feels right.

all head to the hall
to gather and to be happy even more
finding you from afar
glimpse of you 270 degrees from mine.

there's one more thing that made me happy
when they tease you to sing honey
you refuse, i know you smile behind
it didn't happen 'coz the boss came by.

then it's photo op time
your group went to the stage now
and i watch you when you pose
and i smile when you smile for the photograph.

we were sitting, waiting
glimpsing at you all the time
didn't waste the chance
'coz i don't know if it'll happen again soon anytime.

'til the program has ended
must be the saddest part
as you walk to the door outside
my eyes were on you, you don't know.

Circa.12.12.2012

This Road

(c) Photo from Web

The path I go through to meet you

The road that leads my heart to you

I never mind the distance I’ve gone to

I won’t get tired driving ‘til it lead me back to you.

I love you. 

South Living

Maybe, JUST MAYBE, I am destined to live in South so we can be near to each other.

I wonder if you are still in a relationship with the girl I saw in facebook.

I wonder why you had to delete your profile.

I wonder if it’s really deleted or kept more private.

I miss you.

But Makati is South, too.

#wandering #southlovin’ #daydream #you

Poem 110: Catch Up

Impossible to be your girl but can you be my kuya;

(c) Photo from Web

i am about to visit your sistEr's house

i dId not expect to see you in the yard

i Gladly greet you with a smile

and you reply with a Happy hi.

you ask me "how are you"

if i could just say "i miss you"

we high five like we always do

just like what besTfriends dO.

you said sorry for you are sorta sweaty

No worry 'coz you still look fragrant to me

i wanted to talk longEr but i'm on a rush

you weren't there anymore when i come back.

i am still wearing a big smile

although i regret the time that pass by

could've chat longer

cherish the minutes sweeter.

glancing at your home

trying to catch another glimpse of you

you might be walking

you might be looking for me too.

then i saw you outside

you are about to go to office

i wanted to say goodbye

'til i saw you walk by.

you seat and we talk

exchange random stories from our lives

and we laugh as we talk

and we're happy with this catch up.