Emo Post

#likeastalker

You’re too cute when you water the plants. You’re the regular guy I wanted to marry. I adore your big house and your blue car. When can I found someone like you? I miss our cute talks.

#brokendreams

So I finally knew the answer. They say the things you never knew won’t hurt you. Yet it will give you lasting hope that eventually will break you. I guess that’s what I felt from the moment I saw his photo with the girl I certainly know he loves. He’s old enough for flings and I like him because he seems to be a good guy. There’s no future for us. Goodbye.

#solicitedfriendship

That moment when I am kinda sad because it seems that I do not exist to you when I talk. Yet, I found out that you care enough thru our journey home. Although I wasn’t the only one you care for on that group. K. But thanks, that’s sweet.

#heartbreak

I thought I found a new crush

Watched him that night and the day after that

Planning on how to get close to him

Then at the end of the day I found out that he’s married.

Common Denominator: They are all married.

I am the weird girl who likes them. I am like a stalker with broken dreams and wanted solicited friendship because of heartbreak.

Back to Strangers

"I go to church alone to hear mass. On the other side, he is sitting with his lovely family. That's how we spent our Sunday individually long before we met. When we officially become a couple, I am never alone in mass. I sit next to him and his sister to my left. But today, just bring back the old days. I saw his parents and his siblings, they smiled to me. I saw him, he saw me. We were emotionless. We are back to being strangers."

This song.



Somebody That I Used To Know
Gotye

Now and then I think of when we were together,
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die,
Told myself that you were right for me,
But felt so lonely in your company,
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember.

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness,
Like resignation to the end,
Always the end,
So when we found that we could not make sense,
Well you said that we would still be friends,
But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over.

But you didn't have to cut me off,
Make out like it never happened,
And that now we're nothing,
And I don't even need your love,
But you treat me like a stranger,
And that feels so rough,
No you didn't have to stoop so low,
Have your friends collect your records,
And then change your number,
I guess that I don't need that though,
Now you're just somebody that I used to know,
Now your just somebody that I used to know,
Now your just somebody that I used to know,
Now your just somebody that I used to know.

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done
And I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know...

But you didn't have to cut me off,
Make out like it never happened,
And that now were nothing,
And I don't even need your love,
But you treat me like a stranger,
And that feels so rough.
No you didn't have to stoop so low,
Have your friends collect your records,
And then change your number,
I guess that I don't need that though,
Now you're just somebody that I used to know,
Somebody,
I used to know,
Somebody,
Now your just somebody that I used to know,
Somebody,
I used to know,
Somebody,
Now your just somebody that I used to know,

I used to know
That I used to know

Somebody 

Teary Eye

This post just made me cry.

Teddy Episode

Long before Joaqui was born,his daddy and I fell in love with a teddy bear we saw in Megamall. Not like the usual plush toys, teddy is made of a cloth like that of a baby’s towel, soft to your touch, hypoallergenic, and it was looking back at us as if pleading for us to take it home. Precious, just like the giddy little baby boy in my tummy. We loved it so much that we made sure to pack it along with the other essentials when we went to the hospital on 30th of September, 2004.

After 12 hours of labor, and a few more hours in the operating and recovery room, Teddy was finally introduced to for the first time. We placed it just above his head in the baby cot.

Since that day, Joaqui and Teddy were inseparable. Teddy lost a lot of weight,what with all the hugs he get from the chubby little toddler. It was a struggle to wash teddy because Joaqui cannot function without it. That, i think is an understatement.

Four years later, Teddy got lost. I thought i will never hear the end of it from Joaqui. Im pretty sure somehow he still blames me for forgetting to take that paper bag which has teddy my hard drive in it. I think that was my first major sin.

Three years passed and ever so slowly, he forgot about teddy.

Until last night when I was giving him a bath, we sang a song that reminded him of teddy. It was Sean Kingston’s song, Beautiful Girl. It was the song I sing while making Teddy dance to make him smile and sometimes laugh.

I thought it was going to be a normal conversation until I saw tears welling in his eyes when he asked if the cab driver gave teddy to his child.

It was Joaqui’s first heartbreak and mine as a mother.

I said Teddy is happy with his new friend now and that he should be too. Joaqui asked if teddy still remembers him and that if he is still Teddy’s best friend. I said yes. At this point, he was hugging me tightly and breaking into tears.

I didn’t know how I can make him feel better. I said he can write him a letter and we can tie it to a balloon and let it fly till it reaches teddy. He was worried it wouldn’t reach teddy and that if it does, Teddy wouldn’t be able to read it because he couldn’t read…because he didn’t teach him how.

It is at moments like this when I am reminded that the 7-year old teenager-wannabe is still a baby.

I made him a promise that we will go on a teddy hunt. I said teddy needs a new body but it will still be the same teddy he grew up with and loved dearly.

I know this can be boring and shallow for some but for me, it was a moment that I actually felt like he was that 3-year old baby again who calls mommy for anything and everything. It was another opportunity for me to tuck him in and say it will be okay and make him feel better just by holding his hand.

I love you Joaqui and Yana. There is nothing, and I mean nothing, I wouldn’t do within my powers to protect you and I will never get tired of listening to your stories and coming up with crazy ideas to make you two feel better.

I love you and i always will…I don’t care if, when you’re a grown up already you don’t want to be around mommy too much…know that I will always have my arms wide open when you come running back to me for absolutely anything.

(C) http://tatscruz.tumblr.com/post/17314361740

Poem 102: I Should Have Known

There are times when you recall the moment that you felt broken;

you were there when I needed a friend
you make me smile when Tears are shed
from being broken I was Saved
i thought it's forever uNtil it jusT fadE

love isn't alwAyS happY
should have known iT isn't easy
hearts just gOt weary
should have take it slowly

i have loved you like no one else
i gave all until there's nothing leFt
thOught you'Re the only best
but everythinG turned out as a mess

i knew I was happy back then
but now the feelings were forgotten
shouldn't played those twisted games
shouldn't let that happen

shouldn't make it last long
should haVe endEd it the first time it felt wrong
i am vulnerable, i am not strong
should have known we don't belong

should have known it's hard to trust
should have known our love won't last
should have known moving on can't be fast
the only thing i know is, this too shall pass

Circa: 03.04.2011