Whirlwind of Thoughts

1. My father and I agreed with the same standards when it comes to "the ideal guy". 

2. I wish my sister was my bestfriend. 

3. I wish my sister had the ideal guy standards same as me and dad. 

4. I felt really bad and mad. 

5. My parents are good hearted people. I cannot be like them given this current situation. 

6. Even though I am the closest person to that issue, I care not to explain to anybody. 

7. I cannot love a 17 year old mature boy.

8. I wonder if I am a good sister. 

Twisted Games

I almost thought we are about to reconcile 

When again we tried to exchange smile

All of a sudden we are fighting 

We argue, we debate about some thing. 

Does age really matter


Are we mature enough or we falter


Does 17 really understands it


And the 24 couldn't get it.



Twisted games that are bound to play


Will it be okay in any way


Does being too kind isn't good at all


Do these things really bad after all. 

I try 

I cry 

I lie 

You bid goodbye.


The End

"We're only getting older, baby / And I've been thinking about it lately / Does it ever drive you crazy / Just how fast the night changes? / Everything that you've ever dreamed of / Disappearing when you wake up / But there's nothing to be afraid of / Even when the night changes / It will never change me and you" Night Changes, One Direction

But it does. Today is the end, A.

Contrast

It started sweet and swift 

In an instant,we think in sync. 

Nice gestures and pretty smiles 

Genuine laughter and real fun. 

It was all good to me 

Our lives together, I saw it clearly. 

It was relentless, it was carefree 

This love is a worthy journey.  

Until one day it was slowly getting bitter

Our minds in contrast 

Unhappy, ungentle 

Haunted silence and sadness. 

It was never good to see 

Our lives together, now nothing but blurry

It was reckless, should've been careful 

I am left wounded in this story.

A-nagram

1. I dreamt of you. It was on the day of the release of Taylor Swift's Blank Space video. I had a good morning. Thank you for talking to me, on the other side of reality. Sorry because I am crazy - like most of any other girl. I almost wrote your name in the blank space. But it was your feelings who felt blank. 

2. I suddenly had to do university errands. If only we are friends, you could've done me a favor. 

3. near ex lad. This is an anagram.

near - we met from the nearby setting

ex - past, former friend 

lad - young man

4. A 13 year old heart of a 24 year old girl.

Over A

It isn't about revenge nor any rebound purposes

This time, I knew I wanted real, sincere love.

A

To the one that got away,

I can never do anything about you being 17. You are much younger than me and I strongly believe that our seven year gap was purely the reason why we part ways. You're a college student and I am a hopeful professional. I don't know if age will still matter 5 or 10 years from now when we both have decent careers.

It was just amazing how our paths cross. A random chat. A simple smile. I conclude that our smileys were our "okay?okay!" I enjoyed getting to know you. I assume you were the guy I can talk to about how my day was, I can share my dilemma at work, I can laugh with the silliest things, I can converse about life decisions. One day, I wake up and there's no more you. I am alone but not the same alone when you weren't in my system yet. 

Our lives are coincidence. My hopeless romantic heart felt that it's destiny. Isn't it cute when we found out that we go to the same university. Also, you living in the subdivision wherein the developer is the real estate company I worked for. You who is an edm fanboy and me who recently discovered about it because of my cool kid friends. You - the tall, handsome, and everything awesome guy.

Things between us won't work but a closure could've been the proper way to end it. Unless we aren't closing doors.

I miss you, A. Everyday.

Day 4

10.06.2014 

"I knew for the first time that this won't work. Yet I give it a try because you're giving me hints that this thing might be fine." 

2AM Thought

"They're just girls breaking hearts/ Eyes bright, uptight, just girls/ But she can't be what you need if she's 17/ They're just girls / They're just girls" Girls, The 1975

Boys do too.

Complications

First of October 

She will surely remember 

He sent a hi 

She replied a smile.

A nice, sweet guy 

A dork, weird girl 

He's an athletic, cool kid 

She's a nerd, childish adult.

Exchange of getting to know messages

And awkward smiles. 

She's 24, he's 17 

It's complicated.

On Trophy Boyfriend

and reasons why I won't settle for less than the dream guy 

Most of my closest friends know how I regard high standards when it comes to choosing a partner. I've been single for years and never seriously dated anyone after parting ways with the guy who broke my heart. I'm much of a loner. I've got crushes and potential boyfriends but none worked out up to now. It's been ages since I started searching for the good looking, professional, rich, religious, family oriented, smart guy. I got my share of beauty, talent, wit, intelligence, and kindness to the world. But overall I am a regular girl and I am never a trophy girlfriend. I can be clingy but I am not high maintenance. However, I want my guy to be high maintenance and then I'll teach him to be jologs. I knew that somehow I had the characteristics of a woman who deserves to meet her dream man. I am choosy and I care to explain. 

1. I am a huge fan girl

If you come upon a chance to browse my blog or see my social network newsfeed, you will know how obsess I am in fan girling. There are few male personalities I admire and they became the standards of the future boyfriend. Because Chris Tiu, Champ Lui Pio, and Atom Araullo exist, I believe that perfect guys are out there. I actually saw one before but we weren't meant to meet yet. 

2. I had a terrible past 

It is seriously a bitter story. He was the cousin of my uhm teenage great love maybe. I should have realize that it was actually the sign - to do not date guys who came from the same clan. Well then I was young and vulnerable. I'm not yet the hopeless romantic kind and I am but overwhelmed with the gesture that this guy is showing. I remember promising myself that I will not commit into a relationship until I graduated in high school. True to that promise, I said yes to the first boyfriend on summer after high school. I knew we were happy back then but I cannot remember any details now. All I had now was the regrets of having him in my history. I met his family and being family oriented was the only criteria he passed if we were to refer to my ideal man checklist. I hate him a lot because he was a cheater. We broke up but I guess I was madly in love before that I beg him to stay. So the love story was extended. Thus, the biggest mistake of my life. Yup yup,too many hard feelings. One thing I am thankful for maybe was because of that terrible past, I get to decide that I shouldn't settle for less. 

3. Coz dreams are meant to come true

I dreamt of watching a Taylor Swift concert. It did not came true on the first concert but the second was surreal experience. I dreamt of meeting my idol and it come true, we even become friends. I dreamt of becoming a licensed civil engineer and it come true. And many more stories of fulfilled dreams in between. Thus, the future awaits for my dream love life to come true. I constantly pray about that. Surely it will be worthwhile to wait.

4. I am a girl. I am hopeless romantic.

Love letters, stargazing, cute photographs, out of town trips, movie dates, dancing under the rain, and everything sweet nothings you see in films. I am sucker for love stories. I'd love to have the sweetest engagement proposal and a lovely wedding. The movies I watch and the books I read are mostly of romantic genre. Purely the reason of the random daydreams about perfect moments shared with the perfect guy. I believe that happy ever after do exist.

4. The guy you'll want your parents to meet 

He got off from his car and he looks gentleman in his polo,denim pants,and sneakers. He was tense because it is the day that you will introduce him to your mom and dad. Interrogation started with where do you live, what do you do for a living, what course did you took up in college, and how much do you love my daughter, hehe. I look forward to that conversation and I've always wanted to brag that my boyfriend grew up to be a fine guy that my parents will trust. 

Some says there is no perfect man nor a guy who has a complete package of an ideal man. The one I am looking for can be negotiable then. If he won't be Mr.Perfect, at least be my Mr.Right.

Never Ever Together

Dear, 

When I heard the announcement of the activity, I was just too excited to be with you again. We may not talk or smile to each other or whatsoever yet I am just glad to have the chance to stare at you. We were never groupmates from past events and I am thankful and happy that finally we were in one team in this activity. I was unhappy though because you weren't in our bus. I found you in the resort lobby. When the group activities have started, I hope you didn't notice that my face light up because of excitement. I heard your voice that made me smile and melts me. Your voice that I won't get tired of hearing. And then our group are laughing. We are laughing together. You suddenly transferred place and walk away from my left view. Did you catch me staring? There I found you at my back. Too cute, too shallow, sorry not sorry. I wonder if you're staring at me too. Feelers,sorry. I did enjoy all the activities that we had. Seems like we had to agree with decisions. I adore how smart and witty are you. You were walking behind us when we're about to look for our room assignment. During the party, we were side by side or at each other's back most of the time. I don't know if it's my trick to follow you or vice versa. Haha. I actually regret declining the drink you offered. I see you everywhere, maybe because I chose to. Seems like I always have to find you. I got the perfect view from my seat to your seat during breakfast. I got no glasses while in the beach and pool yet still I catch a glimpse of you. In the bus,we are finally together. I'm in the same column with you, at almost farthest back seat. We always find each other. We may find us at each other's back but we will never be together.

Glenda Thoughts

I am feeling a serious state of calamity. 

1) Almost 4 days of no electricity and water.

2) I had to charge all gadgets on office or on site so I can get home with fully charged battery. Repeat process. 

3) Take a bath using mineral water. Mag igib from subdivision tank at 3am. Fall in line to be able get water supply provided by the fire truck. Makiligo sa project site. 

4) Mahirap magluto, magligpit. 

5) Mahirap magtoothbrush, mag cr, maligo. I miss you, water! 

6) Mag isip kung papano ka maliligo kinabukasan. 

7) Magipon ng tubig ulan. Tapos nung kukunin mo na, isang baso lang laman ng timba. 

8) Umasa sa pangakong may ilaw na within the day. Repeat process. 

9) Kumain ng pagkaing fast food dahil see no.4 

10) Yung Georgetown Subdivision samin, napalitan yata ng Ghost Town.
11) Masakit yung braso mo kasi nag igib ka. Ouch. 

12) On the brighter side, at least may bubong pa kami. Sa bahay pa din ako umuuwi at hindi sa evacuation center. May pambili pa kami ng no.9

Kung sana may jowa ako. 

1) May tatanggap sakin na pamilya para may matuluyan ako para maligo, makapagcharge ng phone, makanood ng tv. Haha

Three Years

Photo from manilaconcertscene.blogspot.com

Photo from philippineconcerts.com

Video credits to NephetsYUI28
2. I wish I'd put more efforts on my concert ootd. I adore how some Swifties got creative and quirky. I felt old for that though. Meh 
3. I left my seat and chose to stand in front of the barricade from lower box area. Below is the photo from my view.
4. I decided not to capture photos and videos because it will be out online anyway. I just enjoyed the moment.
5. I have to apologize to the Swifties beside me. If you may have heard my voice in your videos, please forgive me. I just have to sing my heart out. That was the time of my life.
7. Taylor talking in Tagalog. Video credits to Regine Acuña

9. Did that really happened? It was unreal. Take me back.

Three years ago, I chose not to watch a dream concert because of career frustration. After passing the board exam, I had a hard time searching for the first job in the industry. It was February of 2011 when Taylor Swift held her Speak Now concert in Manila and I am but a jobless fan envy with all other fan girls and boys who were able to experience the one of the best nights of their lives.
After three long years of hope, Red Tour finally comes to Asia. Taylor Swift will be breathing the same air I breathe on June 6!!!!! I just can't hide the excitement. I just heard God whispered "I told you,it'll be worth the wait. You deserve this best one." Here I am today, I had a good paying job that will allow me to buy the ticket to the show I missed three years ago.

The journey to having the precious ticket.

1. The tickets got sold out in 2 hours. I was in the ticket booth minutes after that 2 hour selling.
2. I reserved a ticket from the promoter. He confirmed my reservation. The day after, he told me it was already sold out too.
3. I bought a general admission ticket thru bidding. I bought it at almost 2x the original price. I claim the ticket at the far far away place of Las Piñas.
4. I reserved a patron pass from MOA Arena scalper. Few days before the concert, they were fired from the job.
5. I bought a lower box ticket.

The memories of #redtourmnl





Words from the dictionary aren't enough to describe how happy and grateful I am to have experience the concert. All things are just wonderful and fun and surreal. June 6 is diary worthy, one of the best life records, a story of dream come true.

1. Closest Swifties with me are my Nixter friends, officemate friend, and cousin.

6. The set list was bitin though.

8. EVERYTHING WAS JUST AWESOME AND CRAZY AND SUPERB.

After the concert.

I lost my iPhone. I rode the wrong transportation going home. Ah eh. Hihibels

June Wish

1) to meet and greet Taylor Swift ❤️

2) to meet the one :|

Mid(20s)-life Crisis

1. Sometimes I like my job, sometimes I don't. I knew it wasn't the career I wanted. I still cannot figure out where to go, so I'm still here. I wanted to leave soon enough before I get too depressed on wasting my time in chasing dreams. It was an uneasy feeling since Monday. It feels like I want to runaway. 

2. I am ready to have a significant other. But I wanted the ideal boyfriend. But I am a regular girl. And boys wanted an ideal girlfriend. I ain't the one. Ktnxbye. 

3. My spiritual life is struggling. I remember way back in high school when I knew I am closer to God. I was a student catechist before and was able to preach God's word to young ones. I am able to attend a recollection and have confession every year. I hear mass every Sunday, I pray everyday, I got to reflect everyday. I hope I could go back to that routine. I wanted to but I am resorting to excuses like time,energy,and companion. I seriously have to work this out. 

4. I wanted to engage myself on a healthy lifestyle. I'd love to run, exercise, and choose nutritious food diet so I can gain back my fit body. Yet again, time, energy, and companion are my problem. Too much reasons. Nah. 

5. Some of my friends have started their own family. The thoughts of them having a baby sometimes envy me. But no, I don't want to have a child yet. It's just that when I see them post photos of their babies online, it seems that they are having their best life yet. Kids do bring too much happiness. 

6. I'm still mad with my ex boyfriend. I shouldn't have wasted my time for the wrong guy. As of today, I knew I wasn't ready for closure. Maybe because I haven't found the right guy whom I can be proud of compared to the damn exbf. So I'm still the looser here. I wasn't lucky in love I guess. Why do people choose to spend longer time with you when they knew they still have to leave you. Hassle.

And too many little problems in between. I wanted a turning point in my life. I don't know how.

Stilt

Us together in the same vehicle

Your singing voice I adore

The little rules that make sense

Cute, simple gestures you made 

The conversation you started

The songs you played 

The question asked out of the blue

I lovingly responded to you

You are my ideal man, dear

You can never be mine though.

My mind on stilt.

03.01.2014

Maganda ka.
Nagpapahaba ka ng buhok no.
May boyfriend ka?

*dork*

Poem 121: Begin

my heart beats fast

as i pace too slow

excited to see your face

but too nervous to utter words.

tried to keep cool and calm

Just before the doorbell rang

from the background i heard daylight

that somehow set the mood right.

your gaze from the main door

your face i adore

your stature too tall

your Voice i recall.

you got some inquiries

that i hope i answered clearly

then out of the blue you told me

that i am pretty.

you appreciate my long hair

that i never like anyway

you ask me if i have a boyfrienD

i said none sir.

did i heard it clearly

or my mind wander

did i heard it right

or my heart falter.

then it felt awkward

that i had to change the subject

talk about something else

to keep the conversation longer.

845 am of march first

day i won’t forget, regret

the guy i always dreamt

there’s too much to admire.

Jehan

Way back 2005, I met Mai. He is one of the guys in our block section and we become close thru time. I am a witness to his love life. I remember when we were in second year college, we used to talk about this one girl he really adores. She is Jehan. The start of their love story was actually rough. I am Mai's listener when he felt sad as he told me about how Jehan was still confused on pursuing the relationship because she is still torn between the past and Mai. Their relationship was tested from the very  beginning yet the love was strong enough to save the wonderful story of their lives together. Jehan became very much welcome to be part of the barkada. My most remembered memories of her was when we had a tour in ABS studio (yeah,we're jologs), she's also present in barkada outings and inuman sessions. Jehan is a good friend. We exchange stories, we laugh with her, we love her. After seven long years, I am shocked to receive the news that Mai and Jehan already broke up. Mai shared to me what happened and the reason why. The wedding dreams for them got shattered. Months later, as seen in facebook, they seem to have moved on. They go on with their lives as individuals, different from the couple we used to know.

Days ago, I was browsing facebook when I saw that Mai posted a photo collage of him and Jehan. Seeing it take me back to the days of their love story. But as I check the post, I cannot believe what am I actually reading. I got so confused that I had to visit Jehan's page. Eventually, I confirmed that she passed away. The lovely girl, dedicated nurse, kind hearted person has gone too soon. True enough that this could be the reason why the two broke up--so it won't be too much hurtful for the part of Mai to see her die young. But still truly heart breaking.

You'll be miss, Jehan. 1988-2014

Job Rants

I have said unlimited apologies, broke promises, and told random lies--to customers. I don't know if it is because of the nature of the job or is it because of my work attitude. #customercarediaries


As much as I've said sorry, I'm glad to have receive more thank you. It always matters to me. Gratitude is always appreciated.


I am torn between the career I wanted to pursue versus the job around the people I am happy to be with.


I wanted to take up masters degree but my schedule and savings won't allow me to.


I still hope to work around the busy streets of Ayala. The place where all of my Civil Engineering dreams have started.


I want a fresh start but I'm afraid to be the new girl again.


Will going back to start be worthy? I felt old enough to return to scratch.


I guess being in the comfort zone doesn't always mean being happy.

Too emo to handle. smh.fml.

Poem 120: No Hopes

we go back to the place where it all started

wheN to you i got distractEd, attracted

i will neVer forgEt youR adOrable Voice

when you said my namE, i'll always Recall.

then last night it happened again

twice You mention my name

tOo shallow, a bit weird

bUt for me,it sounded sweet.

we were both sick

but I'm more of love sick.

you aren't as graceful from the best night ever

i never had the chance to do some flirting

i just enjoyed the view on where you stand

at the end of the night,my heart broke when i saw your wife.

Left Handed

The best party ever consists of
You and me, side by side
Dancing to the lights of the night
Skin touch to the beat of the sound
As we celebrate the good times of life.