Today's Rant

1. My bag is heavy. I should give up stuff I don't really use.
2. I'm tired travelling from house to office to site to home. Deymn. 
3. I still think about you. napaginipan nga kita eh, kasama mo sya. Pati sa panaginip, package deal? hmp.
4. Konti nalang susuko na ko.
5. I don't know why do I am even here. Mabuti sana kung nakikita kita sa ganitong panahon.

On the positive note:

Today, Jez, we believe God wants you to know that ...

you need to slow down.

Take a moment to pause, to think, to reflect and to pray.

Only then will you be able to get the right perspective on the people

and things in your life.

I wasn't over you, day 2.

I saw a semi bald guy early this afternoon and I am thinking if that was you. The guy smiled and I left hanging and wondering who he is. I'm confident I've seen him before. Was that you? Maybe not. But who he is? Damn this feeling.

I wasn't over you, day 2. I am haunted.

I wasn't over you.

I thought I am already okay when I stop longing for you. But I still stand upon the chance of seeing you again and taking the risk of heart break just to make me smile on seeing your lovely face. I did not attend an event which I’m guessing you’ll be present. The destiny wasn’t going straight to my dream love life. We really aren’t meant to be. You didn’t know I’m hurting and that would be weird if you found out. I am telling the truth if we end up being together. I bet you’ll never know.

Emo Post

#likeastalker

You’re too cute when you water the plants. You’re the regular guy I wanted to marry. I adore your big house and your blue car. When can I found someone like you? I miss our cute talks.

#brokendreams

So I finally knew the answer. They say the things you never knew won’t hurt you. Yet it will give you lasting hope that eventually will break you. I guess that’s what I felt from the moment I saw his photo with the girl I certainly know he loves. He’s old enough for flings and I like him because he seems to be a good guy. There’s no future for us. Goodbye.

#solicitedfriendship

That moment when I am kinda sad because it seems that I do not exist to you when I talk. Yet, I found out that you care enough thru our journey home. Although I wasn’t the only one you care for on that group. K. But thanks, that’s sweet.

#heartbreak

I thought I found a new crush

Watched him that night and the day after that

Planning on how to get close to him

Then at the end of the day I found out that he’s married.

Common Denominator: They are all married.

I am the weird girl who likes them. I am like a stalker with broken dreams and wanted solicited friendship because of heartbreak.

Random Weirdness

1. I am currently hooked with the How I Met Your Mother series. It never fails to give me a good laugh after a long day of work. Thanks “liking @yaelyraz days” because I’ve found out about this awesome series.

2. Recently, I am hanging out with this friend during late noon and I am glad I have a confidante whenever I want to talk. I certainly enjoy exchanging stories with him. He might be the best friend I am searching for. But not really, he’s still just a close friend.

3. So I found this guy’s facebook. I was hesitant to add him and I am torn of sending him a personal hi or just wait until he accepts my friend request. I am eager that I constantly check my account. But today, I found out that his account was deleted yet again. He could’ve seen my request then. And he wasn’t interested. I am broken hearted girl again.

4. Your signature smile never fail to make me smile literally and inside. I adore your pretty face. J

5. I wasn’t expecting to see you. I am supposed to do a random visit in the village, and there I saw you. I don’t know if it’s dyahe when you found me in the motorcycle. Or is it cool for you? Then I saw your pretty smile. You look stunningly handsome. Damn. Then I saw you and your wife, it somehow break my heart. But still I love both of you, I love your relationship, I love you being a couple. You’re ideal. 

Forgive me, I am weird.

Dilemma at Work

Circa: Some time in February

Today is the last day at work of my officemate. Tonight, he can sleep as late as he can, hang out with friends, watch television all he can, then wake up tomorrow whatever time he wanted. He won’t bother getting up early, he won’t skip breakfast, he won’t get annoyed on morning rush traffic and won’t worry on getting thru the crowded train. He won’t get an early sermon from the boss and follow ups on pending works. This can last for weeks because he longs for some rest. At office, the operation must go on, so the staffs left will have to back up the job while waiting for the replacement. Different scenario might happen then.

First, the worker will get the load and do the job seriously hoping he’ll get compensation. It doesn’t happen normally though. Thus, he’ll get tired and will think about resignation too. Another thing that might happen must be, the worker will be assigned to do the work, continue the job like the usual, will get tired and will complain, yet optimistic enough that he can still manage the task given to him. He will think of resignation but chose to go with the flow because he values the company. Another scene can be a staff who gets the turnover work will do what he only wants until the replacement comes and he’s back to his regular work routine that he thinks just enough with the salary he is getting. And since wasn’t a satisfied employee, he’ll quit the job.

People don’t get fulfilled easily. Some took so long to land on their dream job yet in the middle of the practice, they realize it’s not really what they want. This must be related to the saying, “finding your passion”. They’ll back to start and search for the happiness they desire, that they thought they’d already find when they landed that previous job. Just like in all other aspects like love, college, even gadgets or perfume. This may be the reason why choices existed and why there are bad and good choice. Although there are many aspects that are still to be consider, like the chances, and the timing, it’s just how you will look at it. Life can be tragic, sad, challenging but that’s the same reason why life is amazing.

Days from now, my friend will have to start again with his pursuit of finding the right career. Some already find it, some were confused if they really have found it, and others are still on their journey to finding it.  Just like in love, college, gadget, or perfume. 

God is indeed surprising us with his plans. You just have to deal with it and thank him for everything, because it has a reason, a perfect reason why we exist.

One Laiya Fun

Today must be one of the happiest summer getaway I had. After singing, drinking, chatting, and bonding during the Technical Nightout, we went straight to Laiya San Juan Batangas for the Contractor’s Outing. The road trip was real amazing although I slept an hour during the 3-hour travel. I remember saying in one my posts that I’ve always wanted to be a traveler but my cash won’t allow me to. I am thankful how my job give me the opportunity to go out of town, just like last year when we had our company summit in Subic and early this year in Tagaytay. What happened today is a worth blogging experience. I am with amazing people I work with, not to work but to have fun. Work hard and party harder as they say. From officemates, to bosses, to contractors and their family, this enjoyable summer outing is worth celebrating with these hardworking people--the crowd full of passion, loyalty, and care to the company. The day started with the waiting/chatting/laughing. Aaaaah, the happiness I longed for. The moment away from stress, away from worries. Thank you, GOD! The contractors one by one got to the venue bringing their share of food. Gaaaaah, pancit bilao, sandwiches, crabs, shrimp, squid, tilapia, grilled pork, and of course unlimited beverage c/o Prod team. Aaaaaaah, life, you had time to make me happy, FINALLY.

We started the program by introducing the contractors and address of welcome remarks from the Prod head. We proceed with the games and everybody actively participated. Game 1 was drinking contest. The players are divided into 4 groups with 10 members each. Basically, the game is called bottoms up. So, individually, each player has to drink a bottle of beer and the first group to finish wins. That must be a one proud moment for me…or not. They tease me that I drink well and can be one of the Prod (coz yeah, Prod drink harder than they work hard). Our contractors won and the technical team is kulelat. The Game 2 was the banana contest. What else but a naughty contest. There are 3 groups with 3 pair each. To describe it shortly, it is a race to eating the banana of your partner. Haha. The little things that make you laugh out loud.

After the games, we started munching the food and with lots of chit chat in between. There was an idle time that gave us the chance to sneak a sleep. At around 2pm, we decide to go swimming. After spending minutes of applying sunblock, we then conquer the sun. We swim and we talk and we laugh. I love how laugh is the most used word in this post. Laugh laugh laugh. We also went to see the mangroves and stayed in a resort where we laugh about the things prohibited therein. We swim and then we sit and play with the sand. Everything simple yet fun. We headed back to the resort walking in the shore. Life is indeed wonderful. The times when you are work-free and you get to talk random stories with good friends. 

We rest a little and eat again then we go to a boat ride. The prod team was in the first boat and ccd, planning team on the second. The ride was breath taking. Literally because you get nervous when the current is big. But breath taking indeed because of nature’s beauty. Our country has the sceneries you’ll really be proud of. The environment isn’t ruined. Aaaaaaah, this is life. THIS IS LIFE. Our boats met in an island where we stayed for photo op, quick swim, and unending talks. The place seems to be being developed but left unfinished. The man made stone formation made our walk easier but the natural rock formation above made it harder. It was good though. The sea and the creatures beneath are wonderful. We went back to our respective boats and go sailing. 

All the while, I thought we are heading back to the resort, until we saw sexy models having a pictorial in another island. I wonder if it’s really part of the voyage, or even the bangkeros wanted to see those girls upclose. Haha. Boys will be boys. So what do we expect but see their eyes shine bright. We waited for the girls to left before we go swim again. What’s cool with this stop over was the little cave. It was a little hole under where you can swim and go inside the cave. I was hesitant at first but it seems that the boys enjoyed it. They pass through and when they get back, the joy in their faces are surreal. Some stayed inside the cave. Good thing because I can’t bear it alone. It was 3second swim and someone from the other side will get you. Happy happy fun fun. It was dark inside but when you stayed longer, you can already adapt. Someone said “ang ganda, ang dilim”. Seriously, that’s how you describe it. The feeling was legendary. Until everyone was out of the cave and we head back to the resort. I had a serious muni muni and life reflection while on sail. My officemates are good friends. My job is hard but it’s how you party harder. When can I experience this with partner. The nature is beautiful. Life is beautiful. We then go to bath and found out that most of the contractors and bosses already left. We stayed there for few snacks and drinks. At 8pm, we go home with tired body but bringing happy memory. Road trip begin again and the road tripped us. We’re lost for an hour and after asking 4 persons for directions, we finally found the way. We stop over at fast food in SLEX to grab a quick dinner and one by one go home sweet home.

Tomorrow is a holiday and I will be working . And the day after that, and the next day after. And that’s the reality.

Wrong Turn

What if destiny took a wrong turn on its way to the moment when we are supposed to meet? What if I chose a different path and didn’t have a chance to cross your path? This might be explained by “everything happens for a reason”. There are 8 billion people in this world and I may be lucky to have known you. Just a second of an act can lead us to a different destiny. I could have been myself today. However, if your parents didn’t meet each other, you can be a billionaire’s son, a pop star, or you might be one of the boys who broke Taylor Swift’s heart. But destiny decides that we have to be married, someday, maybe, I hope, I certainly want. Oh well, we are just a regular employee who work for the same boss now.

It was random work obligation and there I’ve known you. I can’t use the word “meet”, because we weren’t personally introduced to each other. I don’t know if you still remember me because I won’t forget you’ve mentioned my name once during the time that we are together. That was the sweetest thing I heard from you, when you call me in my first name.

I remember the tough time I had when I am waiting for my colleagues to talk about you and spill your name. I have searched you in social network sites and I googled your name. I am deeply into you. What have you done? Gush. *heartbreak*

This blog is an entry I will tell to my children regarding “how I met their father”. Aaah, so much of HIMYM. Aaaah, so much of daydreams about you.  I feel like I am the girl version of Ted Mosby. I am persuaded to found “The One.” I wish you are the end portion of the fairy tale, I wish you are my happily ever after, my prince charming.

I am writing this because I am too confused. If you just knew that you are whom I talk about, you could’ve have answer my worries, my fears.

Who is the girl in your social site profile photo?

Why did you keep the profile inactive then make it active after long months, then make it inactive again after I add you as a friend?

You don’t want us to be friends, maybe? Coz you don’t know me personally. Gah.

I check the sites of people close to you, and saw a suspicious girl who might be your new girl.

But when you get back to social site, the first girl photo was still there?

Is it you just don’t bother deleting it, or she’s still the girl?

But how are you connected with girl number 2?

Why does she have a hyphened surname same as yours?

Damn it. Damn it. Damn it.

You can’t be married, where is the wedding ring? Or the engagement ring?

If you marry her, why is she still with the company?

Or is she really still with the company?

Her email and messenger is active. It isn’t allowed.

Or were you still in the company?

Who transferred to the sister company?

Your relative may be the one she’s in a relationship with.

You may be the reason why they met.

But where are you in the New Year’s photo of your family.

Are you with girl number 2?

Or do you spent the holiday with the girl in the photo.

But why when I search in the friends of girl number 2, your family (which I mean, parents and siblings) were the only names I found.

Or maybe the guy who’s in a relationship with girl number 2 doesn’t have a facebook.

But you don’t have facebook, too.

I hate you. I hate that I love you. I just wanted to scream. Scream that I hate you. Scream that I love you. What if destiny took a wrong turn on its way to the moment when we are supposed to meet? Or was meeting you, the wrong turn?

I’m sorry.

Poem 117: Hopeless

Maybe we can chat sometime;

i haven't reallY notice yOu
until a friend told me she likes yoU
i thought you're a Regular guy
but it sEems you make girls Cry.

yoU are few years older
you're married To your drEam gIrl
if only we met wheN you're younGer
maybe we can fLing and flirt.

last 30th we were together
i look bAck the dayS i watch you
you were a Stunner
and your humor makEs you hotter.

i tried throwing punchlineS
but you never even notice
i guess i can't make you laugh
i'm the hopelss girl at your back.

i wish i knew how to play cards
so we can have the chance to interact
but i am the hopeless girl
standing in the corner.

i like it when you wear seatbelt
and you check your gps in your gadget
the road trip with you i won't forget
in case you haven't notice, i'm the girl in the backseat.

i smiled when you mentioned strawberries
i smile to your stories
for a moment, i forgot my anxieties
your cuteness i cannot resist.

if love can be purchase
i'll save money to get you
but love is always priceless
and forever i am hopeless.