"Happy New Year, Miggy! Thank you for saving me on the last weeks of 2016. Hihi."
That was the message I sent to my current favorite person last New Year's Eve.
So yup. I wouldn't have survive 2016 if weren't for Miggy. We cross paths online on mid November. The time when I am confuse, furious, and broken. I was physically, emotionally, and mentally tired back then. I seriously wouldn't end up sane last year, had I not know him.
I was exhausted for some reasons. I feel all alone until he came unexpectedly to rescue me. I recently shifted career, I had to catch up with the fast pace demands of the job, I had to adapt with the new work environment, I need to adjust dealing with new colleagues. I had separation anxiety from friends. I had pending personal errands and some family problem. My health has not been cooperating well, I am tired and physically drained everyday. Another thing is some guy broke my heart when I realized that our relationship won't work. I wasn't his priority, he isn't ready to commit on a serious relationship yet. I also sense that he is in love with another girl. I ended up in the friend zone.
I was pre occupied. I needed someone to talk to. I needed someone to confide to. I needed escape from all the exhaustion. I wasn't looking for love at all or some rebound guy. I just needed someone who will listen to me. I just needed to refresh my mind. I just needed some break from all the worrying. I just needed a good conversation.
Then there was Miggy. His presence has been a relief to me. He got an impressive sense of humor, he is fun to talk to, he is very sweet and caring, and gwapo hihi. He knew how to make me feel at ease, he became my happy pill. I'm still coping up with most of the life issues yet he managed to be at the other side of scale to help me keep the balance.
We started to get to know each other. We update how our day went. We exchange jokes and laughter. We tackle random serious thoughts. We comfort one another. We share stories. We had sweet notes and gestures for each other. We had a connection, we jive, we are happy. The routine goes on for weeks.
Come 2nd day of January, he is suddenly ignoring me. I don't know if this is a PMS thing, or mercury retrograde, or I was just bored, or it's my pure weirdo-clingy-attention seeker self. It felt uneasy. I don't even have the right to demand for his time. But since day one, I felt that I wanted to care for him. It wasn't love at first chat if there is such thing. I assume I am not romantically in love yet because it is too early to conclude. We haven't met yet. The only thing I am certain is he is important to me. It was supposed to be a friendly casual relation until I felt being attached and he mattered to me already. We still talk but I knew that there is something wrong. Something has changed. Lately, I can feel that he wasn't interested about me. There are messages left unanswered. He doesn't send updates unlike before. We haven't talk joyfully. Sweetness got less. I can feel like he is gradually walking away from me. He might not really like me at all.
I am close to giving up. I am about to decide to stop what we have started. It was a misery to me. The 4 days cold treatment from him became equal to the anxiety I had before I know him. Who would save me now? I feel bad. I feel sad. I miss you, Miggy.
I hope he really is just busy.
