how.

i know what
i know when
i know why
i just don't know how. :(

i wanted to sleep to temporarily forget all the pain.
hoping that when i wake up, my mind will be at ease, at peace.

this is all wrong.
every thing ain't right.
this is such a hopeless situation.

when will i ever learn.
someone save me.

i wish i had a best friend.

#BJxNikki2015

#BJxNikki2015 

BJ and Nikki Pre Nup

Poetry by Pablo Neruda recorded by Diana Love, Sonnet XVII 

 

#KnottingGil

BJ and Nikki SDE - Pat Dy

Music by Imaginary Future, Forever On Your Side

#AllGoodThings

BJ and Nikki SDE - Jason Magbanua

Music by Johnoy Danao, Right Time

Thought

...of you.

Miss na miss na kita. Gusto ko lang ipost para pag binalikan ko, sana hindi na kita namimiss. Tapos bigla kitang mamimiss. Haha. Labo. Kbye.

Written at Renoir 7th floor.

On point

Exactly my thoughts. Deymn feels!

If we're "talking", I need to know that we are. If you only want friendship, tell me so I can treat you like a friend. If you're talking to other people, let me know so I don't cut off certain people. You're only talking to me? Let me know. You like me? Tell me. You don't feel like anything will come of "us"? Tell me, so we can stop talking. I don't want to sit around and catch feelings for someone that's gonna leave hanging in the long run.

Exactly my point. The punctuations location are so wrong that I had to rewrite the paragraph.

Feeling mo emo na naman. Haha

Weekender

Weekender has always been a big deal for me. As much as possible, my Friday and Saturday should be a lakwatsa day, may it be alone or with friends. Fridays are usually spent with officemate friends over dinner. Saturdays are impromptu most of the time. I decide hang outs during Saturday lunch time after work. I try reaching out friends from everywhere to join me in my short noticed whereabouts. I frequently end up solo. Haha huhu. Every Saturday, you can see me around the malls going window shopping, movie watching, resto hopping. My digital perm is a product of "wala akong magawa on a Saturday." I have also tried spending weekends at book signing events, ocean park, and at science exhibit tour. Today, I kidnapped Jinky since she have no date and we went to Ayala because YOLO. Ano daw?! We met up in SM Makati and I am about to back out when I saw that we are wearing the same blouse. Haha. Couple shirt shit. Arte! Haha. 

We were supposed to eat in Banapple but our buchet (as Jinky would say ✌️) is limited. We end up having late lunch in Pizza Hut and it was worth it. It was just we were seated beside each other in a half circle couch meant for magjowa! Arte ulit. Haha. 

We then go to bookstore to book hunt and window shop for clothes, shoes, accessories. Girl thang! 

happy place!!!

bride to be :)

mantra

only those who watched me, earl, and the dying girl will understand

christmas vibe 

mirror selfie of the twins

I found a nice floor in Made in Candy so it's a #shoeselfie and #ihavethisthingwithfloors photo opportunity. Hihi. 

`                            

        

And this cuuuuute wall!!! From Roy&Biv

#ihavethisthingwithwalls

We thought of going to BGC and I almost said go! Thankful I said no. Ain't ready yet for surprise/unexpected people to see. Blind item. Hoho.

We decided to go to Greenbelt and while strolling, Jinky was invited to try a hair iron. Funny that she knew the girl who sells that item. 

She got curled and I had the naughty idea of pranking Jaymee and Mariz. We've been encouraging Jinky to try the digital perm and until now she have not decided. I then send a photo of her to our group chat and the rest of the story below. 

They then join us in our Greenbelt getaway. I found a nice lighting fixture in Ayala Museum Cafe and of course took a photo for ig purposes. I realized I've been adoring lamps lately.

                   

When we finally got complete, we Happy Lemon for my love of Chris Tiu and grab something to eat in Wendys.

                                                        

By the way, we tell the truth about the joke curls. Hihi. We cap off the night in a Pandora booth. 

                 

Attorney Vibe ❤️

Madam
Hi Sir
Kamusta ka na
Okay lang po. Wala po kaming concerns e 
Inaantay nga kita e

Then Jez died.

Pet Peeves and Trust Issue

I got a list of life issues. It's A LOT. Major and minor, non sense and on point, even rants you will get irritated that you will end up having issue about me. Haha. Sometimes I don't care, most of the time I do. I easily get distracted, I am emotional, I overthink. I got missed chances, messy love stories, weird life events. I'm a self confessed judgmental (my bad) then of course I don't like being judged. Hate me. Well haters gonna hate. There's still more to love in me. Hoho. Anyway let me share examples of my pet peeves. We might jive. Hihi. No judging phlueaseee!

Jejemons

Common grammar mistakes

Use of incomplete letters in text messages (negotiable)

Billy and Coleen

Couples who seat beside each other on fast food/restaurant

Couples breaking up even if they still love each other

Concert goers who video the entire show 

Obsessive cheering/school spirit even though you studied from the branch campus 

Loud conversation/phone chats at public transport

Ig user who #likeforlikes and #likeforfollow

Flirts, major flirts

Too much PDA

Leaving without notice, on a deeper sense of leaving

Okay, I realize most of my rants are shallow. I got many issues but my list doesn't include trust issues. I had an unfaithful boyfriend before that could've provoke me to choose people to be trusted. Nevertheless, I still give away my trust to many. I easily share my secrets to people. I easily cling to promises. Glad I wasn't a victim of pyramid scam or networking. Hoho. I easily believe in commitments. It was only until last Saturday when I had this huge dilemma. I got pissed off when I heard how a friend just gave up his fight on dignity and morals. It all went wrong when he have fully trusted someone. Kakainis!!! Pwede na magtagalog para intense?! Asar na asar ako e. He is such a good hearted person. He became a colleague and friend for more than four years now. Mabait, matalino, marunong makisama, magaling sa trabaho, okay na kaibigan. Sanay na kong matagal sya sumagot sa queries, nevertheless  bilib pa din ako how he handle his job. Struggle yung follow ups pero hindi nalakagalit kasi nga maganda yung foundation at relasyon nyo as workmates. Until a news came up na he is in trouble. Sobrang daming rumors, accusations, and bad publicity that he got caught off guard. Naapektuhan yung trabaho, damay damay na. I chose to understand his situation. Buti nalang hindi ko sya masyadong ginulo. After hearing everything from his side, I felt  sadness pero I got amazed in his courage. Fudge I wish I could talk about it to someone who doesn't know anything or who doesn't know him para mailabas ko yung feelings ko without initial judgement. Nakakagalit lang how someone he trusted have forgotten everything, his kindness, his helping hands, and generosity. Tinulungan ka, kinaibigan ka, nakitungo ng mabuti sa pamilya mo, pinagkatiwalaan mo tapos ang ending sya pa ang sisira sayo. I believe that my friend never intended to do wrong on you. It was you who have gone wrong sa sarili mo. Grrrr. What goes around comes around nalang. At least my friend already got a peace of mind. He has to go but at least he left with a clean slate. Yung iba nagstay nga pero haunted by conscience naman. Good luck nalang. Feeling ko tuloy after marinig ko yung nangyari, may trust issue na din ako. 

Dead End

So okay. I was having a dilemma about this person. I am having a hard time dealing with my issues so I ended up asking for signals. On October 14, I catch upon timehop and this was the sign given to me.

 

Commercial: I actually got kilig when it was favorited by Charles in twitter and he even replied to me.

It eventually came running in my thoughts throughout the day. I wanted to share the statement in instagram so I look for photo that will resemble the feelings. Timing that I did punchlisting of a condo hallway without lighting that day. The photo is unintentionally for ig feed, it is meant for work reference only. Until I realized that it was perfect photo-caption tandem for my thought for the day.

I am doubtful if I will tag Charles in ig because I am satisfied with the twitter interaction and I feel shy for being too emotional. But still I did. Then he liked the photo. Then he commented. Then I died. Chos! So he told me to not lose hope. Oh fudge the signals. I ended up being confuse again. Haha.

I realized that his advise is applicable for different situations. Not mine though.

It can actually be applied to politics especially now that the election is upcoming. Duterte isn't meant to run as president as he have decided. But still the country isn't a dead end, don't lose hope. Vote wisely sabi nga nila. Sino ba si wisely? Acheche!

It can also be connected to goals you did not achieve. Career, studies, love. A job, a course, a partner that is not meant for you. But it is never a dead end, don't lose hope.

It's just that my situation is about this one guy I should've lost hope for. We really aren't meant to be since day one. The advise ended up to be not for me or else tatanga tanga na naman me. Mehehe. Apir tayo jan Charles Tiu. Haha. Tenkyu still!!!

Not Yet

She had you first, you loved her first

You aren't actually became mine 

For a time I thought I was yours

But we were never together, there was never an us.

Don't get married yet

When I ain't over you

If I'm still healing

While I'm fixing the broken.

It may be my selfish way

To avoid all the hurt

Would you please wait

Just before I wed.

I wanted us to be happy
You and me separately

Happy for each other

In our separate lives.

iG gamer

This guy will double tap random instagram posts. I believe he doesn't even like some of the photos. Per my judgement, he is choosy, has high standards, paimpress, pafriendly, papogi guy. I concluded that he click like so he will gain likes in return as well as followers. #likeforlikes #likeforfollow A real ig gamer. Haha inis na inis lang ako. I cannot blame the followers because he got real charm. But I am still not impress with his game or technique or whatever. I feel pity for annethusiast and theweatherwitchproject who are not yet over with his pacute ig pafeels. Haha fudge you G! Instagram is supposed to be beautiful and posh, no jeje allowed. Your feed is nice but you're flirting with ig users. Huh. Hehe. Gusto ko lang magrant. Kbye. ✌️

No Filter Feels

Had I become a good writer, I could've share a beautifully made blog post about Sandbox No Filter. Millennial frustration. I remember that aside from being a civil engineer and interior designer, I have considered Journalism as a college degree. I think and write a lot of everything under the sun. I always want to document experiences and read it again from time to time. It's just that I have not mastered nor learned the blog worthy writing skills. So yah, I end up studying numbers, math. I could've been any prouder upon passing the board exam. But I never stop wanting to achieve new goals. Thus the plan to take up interior design course or pursue the ambition of being a legit blogger.

Back to my story about No Filter, I am truly overwhelmed on how great the craft was. The writers are just superb. All the monologues brought the real feels. It was like watching my life, my friends' lives, our generation's exact thoughts. It captivates the personal, social, emotional, even spiritual views of most of the millennials. 

The actors have done such good jobs. They were delivering monologues as if it was their personal  real life stories. The acts are intimately done, passionately performed. 

I wish I could've remembered all the best lines, quotable quotes from the different monologues. It was just too many that it was rambling in my mind. I am still in awe on how it was wonderfully created. Pure genius. Ang ganda. Ang galing. I am left amazed act by act by act. Yung feeling na satisfied ka na sa napanood then wait there's more pa. Yung feeling na gusto mong dagdagan yung binayad mo kasi all the emotions you felt and gladness you have and realizations they've put on you is not worth 1k only. One minute you are laughing then the next moment you will find yourself in tears. I may not remember the best of lines from the monologues but the impact it made in my life will surely never be forgotten.

I am watching it again. I hope you believe me that it was perfectly produced. Real damn good. I wouldn't decide to catch it again if it was just a so so. Come on millennials, it's a sure cool stuff.

Sandbox No Filter

Sandbox group held a contest as they give away tickets to the preview night of No Filter 2.0. I thought that my entry is good enough. As much as I love my answer to "What makes you a millennial?", I am not able to win the contest. Apparently, there are far more better and brilliant writers than I am. I actually admire those word smiths. A frustrated writer like me will always question how do they even come up with great stringing of words. Ugh! Anyhow, I am sharing this poem about being a millennial.

I am millennial.

My life goals I strongly hold

In this fast pace world

Adventures yet to unfold

Every day that I get old.

I blog to express

I dress to impress

My bucket list is countless

I cling to happiness.

Going social to have connections

Keeping some friendly conversations

Making efforts to please a person

To enlarge circle of acquaintance to turn on.

Some days I am restless

I cry when I'm depress

When trials hit me the hardest

I still choose to be fearless.

I am hopeless romantic

My love stories are sadly drastic

Yet I chose to be optimistic

That there's in store for me that is beyond terrific.

I work hard and play harder

Striving to be a good game changer

Trying to be a trend setter

In the generation that most of us want to conquer.

I am a dream catcher

I wonder and wander

I am an ambivert girl

True to my character, no filter.

I am millennial.

There you go. Nevertheless, I'd still take a chance to catch No Filter 2.0. I heard good reviews from their first installment so I guess it will be worth the price.

Bachelorette

This is the only photo I had from last night's bachelorette party. The first bridal shower I've attended to and it was pure epic! It is for the books because it was Nikki's. Pinky fun night indeed! 

Feeling Old

Blake Lively is married to Ryan Reynolds. They already have a baby girl named James.

Leighton Meester is married to Adam Brody. They already have a baby girl named Arlo Day.

The Gossip Girls are happily married and the husbands are very gwapo. Both are new moms also.

Gahd I'm old.

I'll be a bridesmaid by March next year on my college friend's wedding.

Earlier today, I received another invitation to become bridesmaid on my highschool friend's wedding on May. 

Always a bridesmaid. Fudge!!! No pressure Jez. Haha.

I am overwhelmed though to be chosen as bridesmaid. I feel like I've been a good friend. I feel trustworthy. Hihi.

Also nauubusan na ko ng kukunin na ninong/ninang ng future baby ko. Kasi bawal magsoli ng kandila. Haha.

#JezConcerts : Maroon 5 Manila 2015

09.17.2015
Mall of Asia Arena

Maroon 5 V Tour Asia Manila Leg

Shoe Selfie

Concert OOTD : Maroon/Black Dress from Bazaar, Black Cardigan from Cotton On, Slip on Shoes from Mama, Bracelets from Jewelry Box, Sling Bag from Secosana

Concert Buddy Selfie

V Tour Squad : Jez, Haze, Mariz

Concert Photos : Gen Ad Section 508 A4

By far the largest concert crowd I saw!

Lost Stars feels. Just a speck of dust within the galaxy. 

Ramblings

I.

Si Silvan talaga ang gusto ko para sayo e.

Ako din. Haha

I then wondered what could've happen if we became an item. I may be motivating him in his career in architecture or supporting him in his musical enthusiasm. I'd love to see him being a successful bachelor or musician. But he became a young father, a happy one then. I had nothing else to wish for but his happiness. 

II.

Pumayat ka Jez. Anong ginawa mo?

Ikaw pala si Jessa. Parang nag iba ka.

Oo nga, tinitingnan ko nung nakatalikod. Di ko nakilala.

Parang nagblooming ka. Dati kasi parang high school.

Baka dahil sa hair. Bagay sayo buhok mo.

*blushes and giggles* HOHO!

III.

Nakakafrustrate magtrabaho. Lalo na pag umuulan. 

Gusto ko ng mag aral ulit. Masteral o kaya interior design. Gusto ko nga din mag law e.

IV.

Mr.Atty is an instagram player. Pacute. Paimpress. Sayang oras ko sayo. FLIRT! Che.

 

P.

Sasabay ka?

Hindi po Sir.

Pano ka uuwi?

Sa kanya na po ako sasabay.

Sigurado ka ha?

Yes po.

Nasaan na yung katabi mo kanina? Sino nga yun?

Okay na po Sir.

O sige magingat kayo ha.

Okay Sir. Bye. Ingat.

Then Jez died. Haha

KBye

This has to be my favorite conversation with you. It filled a day of happiness. 

But it never ends well. Unfortunately.

I just had to keep the good memories.

Acquaintance

I met a new friend last Monday and it was fun. I am so used to meet ups and eye balls. I feel glad that the job for 4.5 years had thought me the socialization skills. I just hope to overcome the judgmental attitude. Sarrryyy na! I wisely choose strangers to be friended. I meet roughly 10-15 new people every month. They are mostly customers that end up being friends with me (not all of them though). Others became acquaintance because of fan girling, random chat or social media encounter, and introduction to friends of friends/relatives. I enjoy hearing their stories. I am much of an interrogator or listener rather than being the person talking about oneself. I believe I have sense of humor. I would enjoy talking to myself. Haha. I also give sound advices. Advices I do not follow. Sorry na. Haha. There you go. I proclaim that I am a friend for keeps. Hihi. Cheers to new friends to come! :)

Sheppard Manila

I am not a fan of the band Sheppard but I hugely adore their hit song, Geronimo. When I found out that they will be having a concert in Manila, I already included their show date in my calendar. Even though I only know one song from the band, I'd exert effort just to hear Geronimo live. The song is part of my happy, good vibes playlist. 

Yesterday after work, I go immediately in MOA Music Hall to catch the 6pm showtime which I know won't start on the dot. On my way there, I listen to their spotify page. I am just in time for the pre-show wherein DJ Guji spins the popular edm tracks. On the venue, I purchase 3 Nescafé Smoovlatte worth 35php each in exchange of one ticket to get inside the barricade. Worthy enough for a great night of fun music with little dancing and jumping in between. The show started at around 8pm and lasted for an hour.

Sheppard Live in Manila Setlist

Halfway to Hell
Hold My Tongue
Smile
Let Me Down Easy
Something's Missing
These People
Rude
Flying Away
The Best Is Yet To Come
A Grade Playa
Geronimo
Lingering
Find Someone

As said, I don't know all other songs except Geronimo. Yet I have enjoyed the whole concert. Their songs are of catchy lyrics and of beautiful melody. My additional personal favorites are Let Me Down Easy, The Best Is Yet Come, and A Grade Playa.

The band is crowd friendly, appreciative, and with contagious energy. They are very admirable and easy to love.

Here's my top Sheppard concert memories.

1) George uttered a Tagalog sentence "Salamat sa pakikinig ng aming musika" (if I remember it right).
2) Amy Sheppard telling about Filipinos in their hometown in Papua New Guniea watching pera o bayong.
3) Let Me Down Easy song participation of the crowd.
4) George requesting the audience to stand low then jump high to rock and roll in the chorus of Geronimo.
5) George throwed his sweaty (but still mukang mabango) shirt in the audience.
6) Fans selfie. This has been popular in instagram for the music artists. However small are you in the photo, you'll still feel in awe to land in your idol's ig post and be part of an epic music celebration.
7) They were generous enough to grant the crowd with two encore songs after chanting "we want more". 

Aaaah there's too much to love about these guys! I had a great time. PCD starts now.